I ♥ Wedding Planning!!

Ahhh, yes, for a while now, I have been delighting in the joyous event that is WEDDING PLANNING! For any of you that know me, I ♥ planning events. Parties. Gatherings. Anything that requires an invitation, I'm in. And now, I'm getting in to the thick of the planning, as the big events have been checked off of my list for months. The big items were easy. Ceremony venue? Check! Reception location? Check! Dress? Check! (And all of those involved signing checks, as well.)

But now it is beginning to get into the nitty gritty. This is the part that separates the girls from the women. And OOOOHHH, how I love a challenge. I'm currently debating the merits of hues such as seafoam, pearl, blush and peony. And did you know how many variations of milk glass there are? Well, I do.  If any of you have any ruffled hobnail vases or medium compotes laying around, holla at me.  Two hundred and forty one days until my wedding, you tell me knot.com? Well, that is two hundred and forty one days I can plan a delightful, glorious wedding extravaganza!

I realize that my vision is different than  most. I believe in the hand made, the sought after, the uncommercial. The older, more vintage or retro it is, the more I want it. This makes my search a little tricky, but more rewarding. However, it makes it also virtually impossible for me to walk into a Michael's and find anything relative to my vision. So on I search!

Observations on wedding planning to date:

• Putting mason jars on your tables does not original make. It does however, make you cheap, and unoriginal.
• If I see another blog featuring a grey and yellow wedding scheme, I am going to unhook my computer and launch it into a wall.  Because it will be SO fun explaining to future generations why you picked the most hideous color palette alive because it was "popular" at the time.
• I will not be wearing a bird cage on my head on my wedding day. As much as I love a good bird cage veil, this trend is SO last year!! LY!! LY!! (Nor will I be sporting a Carrie Bradshaw bird on my head. 'nuff said.)
• I knew what my wedding makeup would look like before I envisioned my dress. ♥
• Women should not be allowed to bear children during bridesmaiding years. I say this from firsthand experience, as I was three months pregnant at my good friend Jen's wedding. Not only was I POPPING out of my dress, I couldn't drink, but I had to pretend that I was. Not fun. And the planning process is scary when you think someone will be with child. Also, there was an incident (Courtney) that involved scissors and a bathroom that we won't speak of. All you need to know is that being pregnant and a bridesmaid is a BAD combo!
• Having a baby out of wedlock actually proves beneficial on your wedding day! My daughter will get to see me marry her father. How cool is that?
• At the end of the day, it's still just another day, another party. I tell myself this. But that doesn't mean that I don't want it to feel a little (ok, a LOT) magical when that day arrives.

♥ V :)

Flashes of eyelashes

I open my eyes and it is early and dark outside. It is the middle of the week, which is better than the beginning, but there is no delicious feeling that it is Friday or Saturday. I think of the day ahead of me, and all that there is to do and all of the places that I have to go. I cuddle next to Ian, and drink in our togetherness: warm and sleepy and nestled together like bears, in our cave. I entertain the idea of getting up early, but I decide instead to go to my cub's den and retrieve my baby bear. I creep in her room in my nightgown, with the stillness of our house surrounding me. Her bottom is up in the air, with her arms tucked beneath her, just as she always sleeps. My heart sinks that maybe she is not awake. But alas! I peek over her crib, and she rolls over to look at me with her big blue baby bear eyes. We make no sounds as I scoop her up gently. I slide her into bed with us, all of the bears together now, safe in our cocoon.

We lay cuddled together, and I stroke her face and stare into sparkling eyes. Eyes that are my own looking back at me: big eyes, surrounded by her daddy's thick lashes. It strikes me how rarely we lay still together with all of the routine of daily life, and I soak up the moment and store it deep into my mommy memory.  She coos and speaks her baby talk, and we laugh and play games. I point to her nose and eyes and ears. I rub her chubby cheeks and admire her newly minted baby teeth. I run her curls through my hands and wonder what she thinks in this moment.  I think that she knows that her mother loves her very much. And I wonder if she can literally feel the love I have for her, passing from my aura to hers. 

My gentle child strokes my arm in return. I don't know how or why God blessed me with this gentle, lovable sweet child. She is truly a dream. I don't deserve such an easy, wonderful effortless child. I hear stories of other people's children, and I can't even wrap my head around how difficult they sound. We don't have any of that. Will it come one day? I don't know.

In a flash, she will be grown. Gone. She will be too big to lay on a cold, early morning with her mother, wrapped in blankets. But today, we have this moment, together. I mentally capture her beautiful face and eyelashes and wish we could stay in this moment forever, my sweet baby girl and I.

♥ V :)

Thankful

With all of the changes that have been going on in my work life, it's nice to spend the weekend with friends and family and really relax. It's a funny thing I'm finding, that when you don't hate your job, you feel so much more energized to do all of the other one million things you are required to do.  Hating your job is a very exhausting and arduous task that sucks the life out of you, day by day. Now that I don't hate my job, I'm finding I have leaps and bounds more energy to devote to my personal life. I knew and hoped that this change would be for the better, and I'm really relaxing and letting myself breathe again.

I've been thinking lately about how we are always thinking and working towards the next big thing, or goal. When you really think about it, at what point are you really ever thankful for and living in THIS moment? Where you are today.  Once I started my new job, I started to ask that question. How long can I enjoy this moment and appreciate where I am, before it becomes about getting to the next level? I realized that if you never slow down and feel thankful, you're never truly in the moment, appreciating this part of your life.

I'm consciously trying to slow down and enjoy "this phase." This phase where even though I still have career goals, or may want a bigger family, or a bigger house, I enjoy THIS phase of my life. It's not something I'm accustomed to, because I'm a very forward looking person. I guess maybe some people don't have to work at this, or maybe don't think about having to do this, but I realize now that I do, and I want to do it.

This phase for me is about many things. It's about spending time with Ian, who I love dearly and who spoils me with treats and is entirely way too good to me. It's about loving my beautiful daughter, and seeing how she changes into a little girl every single day and leaves her baby self behind. It's about bonding with my step daughters: having fun bundled up in blankets watching Disney movies, enjoying our new kitten Frank, and singing and dancing with Lauren. I'm watching their sister bonds literally form before my eyes, and I'm still working on getting to know their personalities and who they are as people. This phase is about watching my parents enjoy being grandparents, and seeing the joy that Lauren brings to them. This phase is about enjoying Ian's wonderful family, and being appreciative that I have a second home away from home. It's also about staying close with my girlfriends and keeping it real and having fun. Even though we are older, sitting down with my oldest friends makes me feel young again. All of these things are important to me, make me happy, and for that I'm extremely thankful.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, in between the crunchy fall leaves, chocolate covered, scary, holiday of Halloween and the larger than life, happy, exciting, (stressful), holy Christmas holiday season. This year I'm going to try and really enjoy it!

"If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for." ~Unknown

♥ V :)