Happy Mother's Day everyone!
Lauren and I were treated to brunch by daddy at Lincoln Square...
Mommy had a few glasses of wine on the porch...
Lauren princess sat on her thrown...
We kicked a ball around and played catch, did sidewalk chalk and played babies to our heart's content...
and with my feet in the grass and blue skies above, it was truly a beautiful day.
But then...
there is also another part to this day for me and for many others helping to raise other people's children, because I'm a step parent.
It troubles me that step parenting is such a "grey" area of family life. I went to the Internet to find some inspiration for this post, in the form of quotes, but all that comes up in the search bar is "evil" or "wicked" stepmother. I find that very sad, because blended families are the norm, not the other way around, in today's society. And I know that when I am sitting down with Ian's girls to do crafts, or take them on an adventure, I don't feel
evil. Dear God.
Here's me, just being evil...if I truly were a wicked stepmother, I don't think I would allow the children to do crafts with glitter, now would I?
As a woman with a higher level of education, I was statistically more likely to have step children. Those with education beyond a regular college degree are in a category that typically marry men who already have children. Those are the facts. Only 12% of women in America are step mom's, as this probably directly correlates with the education factor.
However, I find myself pretty much in no man's land in my circles. My friends aren't old enough to be divorced and remarried yet (thank goodness for them). So in turn I don't have much support in this area.
Which leads me to Mother's Day. This day is even tougher for women who don't bring children into the marriage, so I am very thankful for my Lauren. I know, obviously, that I am a biological mother to Lauren. Neither of my stepchildren recognized me this year, and 99% of this was because their mothers both did not allow them to be at our house for even one minute, as this is "in the papers." The "papers" if you are not aware, rule your life as a step parent. The "papers" allow them to do this. And I know that the majority of this is because Ian and I are getting married in less than two months. And it is getting real to them, that I'm not going anywhere, and they feel the need to show this force to make themselves feel better.
I don't want this to come off as aggressive or bitter. The whole situation just saddens me. Ian is not divorced. I am not divorced. We never broke vows to anyone to "end up" in this situation. This is just how our lives are and where the road has led us.
I know that it takes a village to raise a family. I know that blood is thicker than water. I wish I could tell these mothers not to be threatened by me. I don't do the things I do for anything in return. I do the things I do because it is the right thing to do, and to support Ian, and because I care about and love his girls. A card would go in the trash, and flowers would die. But it's still not an easy day. That's the thing about holidays, even holidays such as this one. What about people that can't have children? Or haven't gotten pregnant? Or have lost their own mother? My heart goes out to all of us. We're doing the best that we can.
"Speaking from the land of the step parent, I tell you, this business of being evil is hard. It is very hard. Being a step parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. And what rewards there are, are small. No one pats me on the head for having given up the pleasures of endive and champagne and tuna steaks for spaghetti sauce and hamburger. That's what mothers do." ~taken from
"The Evil Stepmother," by Maureen F. McHugh
And Audrey, I know that you read this blog! I love you very much! I am so grateful that you are in my life and I wouldn't change anything about our family! I love ALL of my girls, very, very, VERY much.
Love, your wicked stepmother
xoxoxo
♥ V :)
