Now that the last Christmas bow has been put away, it's time to anticipate the next big holiday: New Year's Eve! I am super excited for our plans this year. Mr. Awesome and I will be traveling to the wonderful town of Bloomington this Friday for an overnight stay. Yes, my Alma mater and the town that is home to IU and the Hoosiers!
We have fourth row tickets to the IU vs. Ohio State game on Friday afternoon. We are having dinner at the Irish Lion beforehand with another couple that Ian has become good friends with through his work. After dinner and the game, we are heading out to the Bloomington strip for some good Nick's and Bluebird action and wherever else we feel like stopping in at to bring in the new year. I have a sparkly red sequin shirt to wear, and I am beyond excited to visit one of my favorite towns in the world, with my future husband in tow. ♥
I'm hoping to fit in at some point some Kirkwood shopping, an Oliver winery visit, maybe Upland brewery as well, visiting the Union, and a long walk through campus, no matter how cold. I want to see Dunn meadow and the arboretum and everything that makes IU...IU.
I hope everyone has a very safe and happy New Year. Ian and I are hoping that 2011 will hold many great things for our family. Thanks to many of you and your support, we feel ready to tackle anything that comes our way in order to get back on our feet and rebuild our home. Thank you, thank you to all of you who have helped us! My 2011 resolution could only be one thing: to be more charitable. I can't think of anything else I want to focus on more in the coming year. I've already started making small changes and it feels wonderful.
So when the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve, I'll be thinking of all of my dear friends and family as I sing Auld Lang Syne...and remembering all of the good memories of family and friends from long ago, and how they have helped us so very much.
Eleven is one of my lucky numbers, so fingers crossed, it's going to be a great year.
♥ V :)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Small victories!
Well, I have to say that this is one of my favorite times of year. The livin' is easy with very little work to do...and NO January busy season coming up for me for the first time in three years. I'll actually get my Martin Luther King Day holiday this year as well, also for the first time in three years. So I find myself happier than usual with a post-holiday glow, with that dreadful feeling no where in sight. I also Sephora-shopped online 'til I dropped with Mr. Awesome's very generous holiday gift card this week, so I'm all excited anticipating those black and white boxes in the mail VERY soon! As in, tomorrow! (Yes, I tracked the package so I would know the exact drop date.) I will very soon have new products, samples and DELUXE samples in my possession. It doesn't get any better than that.
The best part of my break so far personally (other than all of the family activities) was definitely my Nook last night. My mom and dad gave me a Nook for Christmas, and let me tell you, it has exceeded all of my expectations! After charging it for a full night, I registered and used it for the first time. For a book lover such as myself, it is a treat. It is glorious! I ♥ the Nook! I downloaded a book to my B&N account on our new home computer, and there it was, that beautiful little book, waiting for me in my library when I got her set up. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how it works. But it DOES and that's all that matters! Somewhere in the wireless world, and thanks to people much smarter than me, there is a way to access books anytime for very little cost in the privacy of your sleeping quarters or wherever you choose to do so. It is just a very fabulous thing.
Other than my nook, we also successfully set up our new computer and camera. Part of the hastle of the fire was A.) that we had none of those things and B.) taking the time to buy them and C.) learning how to set them up, etc. You take for granted that you can do something like post pics on Facebook or take priceless pics of your children until you can't. So I'm feeling pretty relieved and proud that all of those things are set up and ready to go!
Obviously we have many things left to do involving the fire, so all of these small victories are making me happy. I like taking time to appreciate each little victory, no matter how small. ♥
♥ V :)
The best part of my break so far personally (other than all of the family activities) was definitely my Nook last night. My mom and dad gave me a Nook for Christmas, and let me tell you, it has exceeded all of my expectations! After charging it for a full night, I registered and used it for the first time. For a book lover such as myself, it is a treat. It is glorious! I ♥ the Nook! I downloaded a book to my B&N account on our new home computer, and there it was, that beautiful little book, waiting for me in my library when I got her set up. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how it works. But it DOES and that's all that matters! Somewhere in the wireless world, and thanks to people much smarter than me, there is a way to access books anytime for very little cost in the privacy of your sleeping quarters or wherever you choose to do so. It is just a very fabulous thing.
Other than my nook, we also successfully set up our new computer and camera. Part of the hastle of the fire was A.) that we had none of those things and B.) taking the time to buy them and C.) learning how to set them up, etc. You take for granted that you can do something like post pics on Facebook or take priceless pics of your children until you can't. So I'm feeling pretty relieved and proud that all of those things are set up and ready to go!
Obviously we have many things left to do involving the fire, so all of these small victories are making me happy. I like taking time to appreciate each little victory, no matter how small. ♥
♥ V :)
Monday, December 27, 2010
Vacation :)
I love this week of the year: the week I saved up vacation ALL year for to enjoy during the holidays! I have very little time off from my job: about two weeks a year, other than holidays. So it is a wonderful time of year to enjoy myself. Best things about the week, so far:
*Staying up late! Reeaaally really late. Drinking coffee in the evening and then staying up til the wee hours. Nothing better.
*Watching a movie in the middle of the day at the theatre with Ian while eating buttery popcorn and drinking coke
*Shopping online with Christmas gift cards
*Family traditions: old and new. I like how some things stay the same, but new traditions can be fun as well. My sister hosted Christmas this year and we had a ball!
*Lauren going to grandma and grandpa's for a few days. The freedom of the no-kids life is intoxicating but of course I do miss her, very much.
*Not preparing for the work week on Sunday night. :)
*Sleeping in (see above, no kids!)
*Not coming home exhausted and doing the bed time routine. Every day is different.
It's not over yet, but these are just a few of my favorite things. Good night and hope everyone has a restful, happy week!
♥ V :)
*Staying up late! Reeaaally really late. Drinking coffee in the evening and then staying up til the wee hours. Nothing better.
*Watching a movie in the middle of the day at the theatre with Ian while eating buttery popcorn and drinking coke
*Shopping online with Christmas gift cards
*Family traditions: old and new. I like how some things stay the same, but new traditions can be fun as well. My sister hosted Christmas this year and we had a ball!
*Lauren going to grandma and grandpa's for a few days. The freedom of the no-kids life is intoxicating but of course I do miss her, very much.
*Not preparing for the work week on Sunday night. :)
*Sleeping in (see above, no kids!)
*Not coming home exhausted and doing the bed time routine. Every day is different.
It's not over yet, but these are just a few of my favorite things. Good night and hope everyone has a restful, happy week!
♥ V :)
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Resilience
Resilience: it's been on my mind a lot lately. And to what did my wondering eyes appear in Allure this month? My favorite publication? An article on this very topic. Resilience: the ability of humans not merely to survive trauma and stress, but to bounce back and be happy and productive. Apparently, they have figured out that it's not a question of how bad an experience was, but rather how equipped you are-biologically and psychologically-to cope with it. Whether or not you have the ability to fight back, or give in during stressful times.
Apparently those that have the ability to overcome awfulness possess two things 1.) strong human connections and 2.) the knowledge or belief that sometimes, shit happens and it's no body's fault. This "knowledge" can be expressed through faith/belief in a higher power, or an intellectual and emotional letting go. In other words, it is what it is.
Of course, the article says, when something awful happens, we all need time to grieve. And I know that this is true. At the end of the day, it hits me the most when I put my Lauren to bed. When I lay her down on her changing pad, I stare at a colorless white wall. I literally shut my eyes and see her old nursery. I want to go back there so badly. I shut my eyes and see her bubble gum pink walls, and look up at the shelf that I painted. On the shelf I see her memory box that I made myself, the edges etched with rick rack and sequins sprinkled over strawberry shortcake's happy face. I stare at my grandmother's picture, the one of her with my sister and I when we were so young at my great grandmother's house. I see the picture of my mother and I at Rocky Ford. I turn around and see the hat from her first birthday party and the ballerina topper from her cake. I see the curtains on her closet that I hand decorated with darling Martha Stewart decals. I see my great aunt's chair, that we read books together in every single night. And I realize, I can never go back to that place again. It is gone, and it literally breaks my heart.
And I know at this point, that this is the letting go point. Grieve, and let it go. I have to let it go, and move on. The hardest thing about a fire like ours is that on one hand, you feel so happy and thankful that no one was hurt. Giddy and relieved and overwhelmed with gratitude. But on the other hand, every single day there is another revelation or memory of something you just remember that you lost. Something you hadn't remembered before. And you grieve every single day about the things you carried with you all of your life, that are gone. And also the things that you have for your children. Her baby book, her baby dresses, her coming home outfit. It is all gone, never to be replaced.
At the lowest moments, I tell myself these things: I don't have the baby book, but I have the baby. I don't have the pictures of my grandmother, but I have my memories and her spirit around me, always. I don't have the bibles from my youth, with my scribbled favorite bible verses from summer camp, but I have the scriptures in my mind and my heart: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God would not ever give me anything that I can't handle. I may not have all of my and Lauren's Christmas ornaments, but I have her and the rest of my family to celebrate Christmas with.
I know that God has a plan for my life. I know that he had it before I was born. I know it will sound literally insane, but I am thankful for what this tragedy has brought into my life. There will come a point in my life where I will understand why this happened. There will be a light bulb moment, where I utilize the strength I have gained from going through this experience. I already feel it. The only thing I can compare it to was when I became a mother. I got it: parents, coworkers, family, friends I could never relate to before, I got them, it, the love you have for a child. It changes you forever. And this tragedy has now changed me forever as well. I can see things I never saw or felt before: compassion on another level. Gratitude for my community and friends and family, elevated to the 10th degree. And I am thankful.
The article said it best: "Certainly, those who are the most resilient, who've been through the worst and come out smiling, agree: Failure and loss, while not to be celebrated, are to be accepted, even embraced. This doesn't mean that problems aren't deeply felt and remembered. But those who are resilient do not let their traumas define them. 'I'm 99% a happy and joyous person. I love the same stupid things I loved before, I laugh at the same jokes...but now there's a different dimension to it all. Do I wish I'd [been through this?] Of course not. But who I am now exceeds who I was before.'"
♥ V :)
Apparently those that have the ability to overcome awfulness possess two things 1.) strong human connections and 2.) the knowledge or belief that sometimes, shit happens and it's no body's fault. This "knowledge" can be expressed through faith/belief in a higher power, or an intellectual and emotional letting go. In other words, it is what it is.
Of course, the article says, when something awful happens, we all need time to grieve. And I know that this is true. At the end of the day, it hits me the most when I put my Lauren to bed. When I lay her down on her changing pad, I stare at a colorless white wall. I literally shut my eyes and see her old nursery. I want to go back there so badly. I shut my eyes and see her bubble gum pink walls, and look up at the shelf that I painted. On the shelf I see her memory box that I made myself, the edges etched with rick rack and sequins sprinkled over strawberry shortcake's happy face. I stare at my grandmother's picture, the one of her with my sister and I when we were so young at my great grandmother's house. I see the picture of my mother and I at Rocky Ford. I turn around and see the hat from her first birthday party and the ballerina topper from her cake. I see the curtains on her closet that I hand decorated with darling Martha Stewart decals. I see my great aunt's chair, that we read books together in every single night. And I realize, I can never go back to that place again. It is gone, and it literally breaks my heart.
And I know at this point, that this is the letting go point. Grieve, and let it go. I have to let it go, and move on. The hardest thing about a fire like ours is that on one hand, you feel so happy and thankful that no one was hurt. Giddy and relieved and overwhelmed with gratitude. But on the other hand, every single day there is another revelation or memory of something you just remember that you lost. Something you hadn't remembered before. And you grieve every single day about the things you carried with you all of your life, that are gone. And also the things that you have for your children. Her baby book, her baby dresses, her coming home outfit. It is all gone, never to be replaced.
At the lowest moments, I tell myself these things: I don't have the baby book, but I have the baby. I don't have the pictures of my grandmother, but I have my memories and her spirit around me, always. I don't have the bibles from my youth, with my scribbled favorite bible verses from summer camp, but I have the scriptures in my mind and my heart: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God would not ever give me anything that I can't handle. I may not have all of my and Lauren's Christmas ornaments, but I have her and the rest of my family to celebrate Christmas with.
I know that God has a plan for my life. I know that he had it before I was born. I know it will sound literally insane, but I am thankful for what this tragedy has brought into my life. There will come a point in my life where I will understand why this happened. There will be a light bulb moment, where I utilize the strength I have gained from going through this experience. I already feel it. The only thing I can compare it to was when I became a mother. I got it: parents, coworkers, family, friends I could never relate to before, I got them, it, the love you have for a child. It changes you forever. And this tragedy has now changed me forever as well. I can see things I never saw or felt before: compassion on another level. Gratitude for my community and friends and family, elevated to the 10th degree. And I am thankful.
The article said it best: "Certainly, those who are the most resilient, who've been through the worst and come out smiling, agree: Failure and loss, while not to be celebrated, are to be accepted, even embraced. This doesn't mean that problems aren't deeply felt and remembered. But those who are resilient do not let their traumas define them. 'I'm 99% a happy and joyous person. I love the same stupid things I loved before, I laugh at the same jokes...but now there's a different dimension to it all. Do I wish I'd [been through this?] Of course not. But who I am now exceeds who I was before.'"
♥ V :)
Monday, December 13, 2010
Merry Christmas Ian...
This is one of my favorite Christmas songs ever. Thanks Manda, for reburning the CD for me. It wouldn't have been Christmas without it. You read my mind, like usual.
To Ian, through all of it, we're still going strong. I love you. This songs to you. Love, me. ♥
"Another Year Has Gone By"
So many 25th's of December
Just as many 4th of July's
And we're still holding it together
It only comes down to you and I
I know you can still remember
Things we said right from the start
When we said that this could be special
I'm keeping those words deep down in my heart
Another year has gone by
And I'm still the one by your side
After everything that's gone by
There's still no one saying goodbye
Though another year has gone by
I never been much for occasions
You never let another birthday go by
Without announcing how much you love me
But the truth was always there
Right there in your eyes
And we're still holding hands when we're walking
Acting like we've only just met
But how can that be - when there's so much history
I guess that's how true lovers can get
Another year has gone by
And I'm still the one by your side
After everything that's gone by
There's still no one saying goodbye
Though another year has gone by
To Ian, through all of it, we're still going strong. I love you. This songs to you. Love, me. ♥
"Another Year Has Gone By"
So many 25th's of December
Just as many 4th of July's
And we're still holding it together
It only comes down to you and I
I know you can still remember
Things we said right from the start
When we said that this could be special
I'm keeping those words deep down in my heart
Another year has gone by
And I'm still the one by your side
After everything that's gone by
There's still no one saying goodbye
Though another year has gone by
I never been much for occasions
You never let another birthday go by
Without announcing how much you love me
But the truth was always there
Right there in your eyes
And we're still holding hands when we're walking
Acting like we've only just met
But how can that be - when there's so much history
I guess that's how true lovers can get
Another year has gone by
And I'm still the one by your side
After everything that's gone by
There's still no one saying goodbye
Though another year has gone by
Friday, December 10, 2010
Donations: Spread the love around ♥
I'm about to scoot off for the weekend here in a minute, but I wanted to post a really quick blog about our donation situation. And LET ME TELL YOU, it is a situation...
I want to say first and foremost, it is most definitely probably the opposite of what you are thinking. I know you are in your warm cozy house, looking at your pretty lit up Christmas tree, and you are feeling sorry for us. I want to tell you right now: DON'T. We have been beyond fortunate with donations, of cash, checks, clothes, gift cards, etc. So much so that it is SO over the top, we can not believe it. Our cash reserves are high. Our spirits are getting there and climbing every day. We both have good jobs, we were insured, and we WILL replace our things and rebuild our home.
I also work for the most amazing company. The retail community has reached out to my family so much, I won't even tell you what we have received. Because I fear it will set off an epidemic of Simon employees burning down their homes just to get the loot! It is unbelievable how generous they have been.
My point is this: we have enough. More than enough. Enough clothes, love, money to get us through. There are little kids out there that don't even have coats. Or a book in the house. Heck, there are some SCHOOLS that don't even have books. Actual schools! So please, if you want to give something, give to those that need it more than us. People that go to bed hungry. Children with parents that don't take care of them, or read them bed time stories. We are not those people, and we are so thankful for all that we have already received.
We know that this tragedy will change the way we view our community forever. We have never felt so much love ♥. Thank you to everyone, big and small, that has helped us recover and get back on our feet! We ♥ all of you, more than you know!
There are people out there that need donations more than we do, it's just all of our jobs to go find them...happy hunting, and happy holidays.
♥ V :)
I want to say first and foremost, it is most definitely probably the opposite of what you are thinking. I know you are in your warm cozy house, looking at your pretty lit up Christmas tree, and you are feeling sorry for us. I want to tell you right now: DON'T. We have been beyond fortunate with donations, of cash, checks, clothes, gift cards, etc. So much so that it is SO over the top, we can not believe it. Our cash reserves are high. Our spirits are getting there and climbing every day. We both have good jobs, we were insured, and we WILL replace our things and rebuild our home.
I also work for the most amazing company. The retail community has reached out to my family so much, I won't even tell you what we have received. Because I fear it will set off an epidemic of Simon employees burning down their homes just to get the loot! It is unbelievable how generous they have been.
My point is this: we have enough. More than enough. Enough clothes, love, money to get us through. There are little kids out there that don't even have coats. Or a book in the house. Heck, there are some SCHOOLS that don't even have books. Actual schools! So please, if you want to give something, give to those that need it more than us. People that go to bed hungry. Children with parents that don't take care of them, or read them bed time stories. We are not those people, and we are so thankful for all that we have already received.
We know that this tragedy will change the way we view our community forever. We have never felt so much love ♥. Thank you to everyone, big and small, that has helped us recover and get back on our feet! We ♥ all of you, more than you know!
There are people out there that need donations more than we do, it's just all of our jobs to go find them...happy hunting, and happy holidays.
♥ V :)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Our miracle
"Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing."
As I sit down to write this, I realize that I am a different person than I was a week ago. My family and I experienced a life changing event last Wednesday night. As anyone close to me knows, our house burnt completely to the ground after 11:00pm on December 1st, 2010. The 911 call was placed at 11:08pm. The few minutes leading up to that literally determined the course of the rest of our lives.
Ian and I were up late together that night. I was working on putting together the flower ideas for our wedding to meet with our florist the next evening. We were joking, laughing, having a mid-week cocktail and in wonderful spirits. I distinctly remember thinking that day how close to perfect things really were: I was planning my wedding, loving my new job, and excited for Lauren's second Christmas. Christmas was right around the corner and I was busy planning, stocking away surprises for the kids, plotting the perfect gift wrapping scheme...all of the things that any mother does for her family. (Ok, I'm a little over the top with gift wrap; my perfectionism tends to peak at the holidays!) That all changed that night.
Ian and I heard a loud "boom" come from the garage. The first time it happened, we didn't stop everything. About five minutes probably went by. Five minutes of our garage burning down and we had no idea. The second "boom" we heard, we stopped what we were doing. We knew it was in the garage. As we walked back to listen, Ian was literally a few feet away from the back kitchen door. If Ian had opened that door, the back draft surely would have killed him right before my eyes. Something made him think to not open the door but instead to go around the front of the house. We thought there was a robber in the garage, and we didn't want to open the door to face him and let him in our house.
Ian ran back in and screamed to get the kids, the whole thing was on fire. I sprinted up the stairs, screamed like a drill sergeant at Audrey fire, fire, fire, fire, get up, get up, get up. She did. I grabbed Lauren and we ran back down the stairs and out the front door. The whole thing probably took one minute. None of us even had shoes on. The rest of the night was a blur. We went to bed exhausted at 3:30am.
There are so many things on my mind these days that it's a wonder I get from Point A to Point B anymore. But I can not stop thinking about that one minute; the one minute that it took to get the children out of the house and away from the fire. One minute. How many minutes of our lives are wasted? Minutes spent watching TV, cleaning, waiting in line. That one minute determined our futures. Every minute with our children after that night has been a miracle. Their lives are so precious, so so so precious.
"The only way to live is to accept each minute as an unrepeatable miracle, which is exactly what it is: a miracle and unrepeatable."
♥ V :)
As I sit down to write this, I realize that I am a different person than I was a week ago. My family and I experienced a life changing event last Wednesday night. As anyone close to me knows, our house burnt completely to the ground after 11:00pm on December 1st, 2010. The 911 call was placed at 11:08pm. The few minutes leading up to that literally determined the course of the rest of our lives.
Ian and I were up late together that night. I was working on putting together the flower ideas for our wedding to meet with our florist the next evening. We were joking, laughing, having a mid-week cocktail and in wonderful spirits. I distinctly remember thinking that day how close to perfect things really were: I was planning my wedding, loving my new job, and excited for Lauren's second Christmas. Christmas was right around the corner and I was busy planning, stocking away surprises for the kids, plotting the perfect gift wrapping scheme...all of the things that any mother does for her family. (Ok, I'm a little over the top with gift wrap; my perfectionism tends to peak at the holidays!) That all changed that night.
Ian and I heard a loud "boom" come from the garage. The first time it happened, we didn't stop everything. About five minutes probably went by. Five minutes of our garage burning down and we had no idea. The second "boom" we heard, we stopped what we were doing. We knew it was in the garage. As we walked back to listen, Ian was literally a few feet away from the back kitchen door. If Ian had opened that door, the back draft surely would have killed him right before my eyes. Something made him think to not open the door but instead to go around the front of the house. We thought there was a robber in the garage, and we didn't want to open the door to face him and let him in our house.
Ian ran back in and screamed to get the kids, the whole thing was on fire. I sprinted up the stairs, screamed like a drill sergeant at Audrey fire, fire, fire, fire, get up, get up, get up. She did. I grabbed Lauren and we ran back down the stairs and out the front door. The whole thing probably took one minute. None of us even had shoes on. The rest of the night was a blur. We went to bed exhausted at 3:30am.
There are so many things on my mind these days that it's a wonder I get from Point A to Point B anymore. But I can not stop thinking about that one minute; the one minute that it took to get the children out of the house and away from the fire. One minute. How many minutes of our lives are wasted? Minutes spent watching TV, cleaning, waiting in line. That one minute determined our futures. Every minute with our children after that night has been a miracle. Their lives are so precious, so so so precious.
"The only way to live is to accept each minute as an unrepeatable miracle, which is exactly what it is: a miracle and unrepeatable."
♥ V :)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Wedding Color Inspiration...
It's no secret that green is my favorite color. So of course, my inspiration for our wedding would be green! Happy, glorious green. However, narrowing down a shade was a labor of love. How does one decide between so many shades they love? Kelly, emerald, spring, lime...love, love, love but not quite right.
So here it is...my final decision. Sea foam green! You are perfect!
So here it is...my final decision. Sea foam green! You are perfect!
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