New life...new blog in the works!

Hello friends!

Where to start, where to start? The last three weeks have been an absolute whirlwind of fun, activity and adventures. We got married. We honeymooned. And we moved..to our "new again" address. I have sooo so, many things to blog about, but right now a couple of things are holding me up...we are still moving and we have no Internet at home. And also, my whole life has shifted, and I am excited to tell you I am designing a new blog! I no longer need a blogroll of 50 wedding blogs to sift through on my dashboard, and my name will change as well. I need a new site and a new look. I am trying to learn Wordpress quickly to get my new page going (I'm switching away from Blogger), but it has been a bit challenging trying to fit it in to lunches and a few breaks here and there at work. But I'm diligently working on it and I can't wait to show you my new blog when it's ready to go!

Until then...please know that I have so much I want to share about the past few weeks. Please be patient and wait, pretty please? It has been a magical time in my life and I can't wait to write all about it!

Love,
Mrs. Hancock ♥

Funniest wedding moment

Sooo, I have been in the land of wedding for almost a year now. Like Ian said last weekend, "Let's goooo...we've been planning this almost a year!" However, I am torn...torn between wanting to leave wedding land, and wanting to stay. Did you know that your wedding is the biggest right of passage in your life, other than birth and death? I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's actually true. You are taking this person that you went out and found (or found you) and you are turning them into family. You are actually "making" your very own family. And that also means that you are sleeping next to family when you go to bed at night. It's forever, you hope.

All of these are true statements, and weddings are serious business. However, I have have had some funny moments along the way.

Like spray painting in the dark. Read that again. "...in the dark." Here is how this whole new breed of DIY wedding goes: *See beautiful idea. *Search out suitable materials for said idea. *Obsessively recreate your idea until it is perfect. This is how I ended up spray painting in the dark. The sun set, man. But my signs needed another coat of spray paint. So what does any good crazy wedding planning bride do? Get out there and paint those signs. I saw Ian peering out at me from the screen door at one point in this process, his scared little groom face lit up with the kitchen lights behind him. And it was then I knew that I had passed ordinary wedding planning a loooong time ago, and I had become something else: IT HAS TO GET DONE NOW BRIDE. We agreed to pretend that that whole experience never happened. But it makes me laugh. I have always believed that for anyone who wants to do something right, the regular hours of mankind do not apply. Yes, most people go to bed at 9 or 10 pm. I don't and I never have. The good things in life happen from 10pm to 2am for me....the best ideas, the most fun, the alive moments where you're doing what you want to do.

Anyway, just a funny moment I wanted to share. In another week, I'll be an old married woman. But today, I am young and single. And spray painting in the dark is just plain funny.

♥ V :)

Makin' it my own

“I’ve come to understand that it’s not about outdoing anyone else or having the best this or that, but about creating a unique set of memories of every little thing that you can both call your own.”

Best wedding quote I've heard yet.

9 days 9 days 9 days 9 days 9 days!!

God, I would like to go ahead and place an order for weather JUST like this on our wedding day...pretty please...I've been good, I swear!

So excited I can barely stand it...can't wait to see all of the people I love and adore in one place.

And most of all, I can't wait to become MRS. Hancock. ♥
♥ V :)

Wedding nightmares

We're under a month until the wedding. Less than a month!! Holy batman!! And let me tell you, I have been having some niiiiiigghhhhhtmaaaarres. Now, you might think that these dreams would be about past loves, the ones that got away. I have not experienced this. I have, however, dreamed about the band not showing up, and the makeup artist going MIA, and the whole wedding not happening. Ian says these are not nightmares; that there is too much tragedy in the world to call these nightmares. I disagree, I said. They are nightmares.

So help me God, I would accept the rapture, or a tornado blowing me to Oz, AFTER JUNE 25TH. I could go if I had to, but please Lord, don't have made all of this planning in vain.

I thought I had experienced enough nightmares. Today, I saw a nightmare with my eyes:

O.M.G.

O.M.G.

Seriously, THIS hot mess is a nightmare!!!!

♥ V :)

P.S. the only way this could be worse is if they were holding save the date magnets.

Notes from Planning a Wedding

###

"Are we getting each other wedding day presents?"

"I dunno, I think that is for people who didn't spend the night before their wedding in the same room, and they're like, not seeing each other until they take their vows."

"Oh. Well, you know, it's the thought that counts, anyway. I was thinking about getting you a set of pearls from the Shane Co."

"Huh. I was thinking about getting you an inscribed Colts mug that says 'Mr. Awesome.'"

"Wow! That was easy. If it's the thought that counts, then I'm glad we were thinking those things."

"You know we aren't getting those things right?"

"Yeah, I know."

###

In preparation for my upcoming nuptials, I scheduled a consultation for some light cosmetic work, involving lasers. I was second guessing myself on the way to this appointment.

Until I had the pleasure of this little exchange.

While checking out with a bridal magazine at my trusty local CVS:

"So, you're getting married? When is the big date?"

"June 25th."

"Do you need a bartender?" (This same man has asked me this on at least three different occasions while checking out with bridal 'zines.)

"Nope, we've got it covered. Thanks for offering."

"So, is this your first marriage?"

(Really?)

"Yes. Yes, it is."

Um, I put the petal to the metal on the way to that appointment.

###

Things we have learned while trying to obtain birth certificates and passports for our honeymoon after our home burning to the ground and losing all identifying documents:

1. You can't actually get a passport after 3 pm, in the city of Westfield. Because at that point in the day, a line could form. (Ian found this out during a very "Meet the Parents" moment i.e. Ben Stiller trying to board his plane. There was in fact, no line, at the time while Ian tried to make said purchase.)

2. You may not apply for a passport with a copy of a birth certificate.

3. There must be space left between your head and the border of the photo used to obtain the passport. That's what I get for wearing this big backcombed mess of hair all over town I suppose. Doh.

4. The city of Indianapolis, the state's capital, no longer allows you to apply for a birth certificate in person. You must go online. The actual office is within walking distance of my work, but you must go online.

5. If you order a birth certificate in the mail, it will take three to four weeks to deliver by snail mail. I somehow did not notice this fine print upon placing this order.

6. I don't have three to four weeks. Upon placing my second order, and paying another $22, and blowing up my drivers license by 200% and lightening it by 2 levels, and uploading the documents, I better get that freagin' thing like, STAT!!!!!! Because at that point, I still have to apply for the passport.

*Sigh.*

Jamaica had better be worth it 'mon.

♥ V :)

###

Our invitation! :)

You can't possibly go wrong with the Martha Stewart collection.  I love them and had to share! 48 days!!

♥ V :)

Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day everyone!



Lauren and I were treated to brunch by daddy at Lincoln Square...

Mommy had a few glasses of wine on the porch...

Lauren princess sat on her thrown...

We kicked a ball around and played catch, did sidewalk chalk and played babies to our heart's content...

and with my feet in the grass and blue skies above, it was truly a beautiful day.

But then...

there is also another part to this day for me and for many others helping to raise other people's children, because I'm a step parent.

It troubles me that step parenting is such a "grey" area of family life. I went to the Internet to find some inspiration for this post, in the form of quotes, but all that comes up in the search bar is "evil" or "wicked" stepmother. I find that very sad, because blended families are the norm, not the other way around, in today's society. And I know that when I am sitting down with Ian's girls to do crafts, or take them on an adventure, I don't feel evil. Dear God.

Here's me, just being evil...if I truly were a wicked stepmother, I don't think I would allow the children to do crafts with glitter, now would I?

As a woman with a higher level of education, I was statistically more likely to have step children. Those with education beyond a regular college degree are in a category that typically marry men who already have children. Those are the facts. Only 12% of women in America are step mom's, as this probably directly correlates with the education factor.

However, I find myself pretty much in no man's land in my circles. My friends aren't old enough to be divorced and remarried yet (thank goodness for them). So in turn I don't have much support in this area.

Which leads me to Mother's Day. This day is even tougher for women who don't bring children into the marriage, so I am very thankful for my Lauren. I know, obviously, that I am a biological mother to Lauren. Neither of my stepchildren recognized me this year, and 99% of this was because their mothers both did not allow them to be at our house for even one minute, as this is "in the papers." The "papers" if you are not aware, rule your life as a step parent. The "papers" allow them to do this. And I know that the majority of this is because Ian and I are getting married in less than two months. And it is getting real to them, that I'm not going anywhere, and they feel the need to show this force to make themselves feel better.

I don't want this to come off as aggressive or bitter. The whole situation just saddens me. Ian is not divorced. I am not divorced. We never broke vows to anyone to "end up" in this situation. This is just how our lives are and where the road has led us.

I know that it takes a village to raise a family. I know that blood is thicker than water. I wish I could tell these mothers not to be threatened by me. I don't do the things I do for anything in return. I do the things I do because it is the right thing to do, and to support Ian, and because I care about and love his girls. A card would go in the trash, and flowers would die. But it's still not an easy day. That's the thing about holidays, even holidays such as this one. What about people that can't have children? Or haven't gotten pregnant? Or have lost their own mother?  My heart goes out to all of us. We're doing the best that we can.

"Speaking from the land of the step parent, I tell you, this business of being evil is hard. It is very hard. Being a step parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. And what rewards there are, are small. No one pats me on the head for having given up the pleasures of endive and champagne and tuna steaks for spaghetti sauce and hamburger. That's what mothers do."  ~taken from "The Evil Stepmother," by Maureen F. McHugh

And Audrey, I know that you read this blog! I love you very much! I am so grateful that you are in my life and I wouldn't change anything about our family! I love ALL of my girls, very, very, VERY much.

Love, your wicked stepmother

xoxoxo

♥ V :)

Pinterest: I pin, I pin, and I pin...

Umm, so I have an OFFICIAL new obsession:

Pinterest!!!

I pin and I pin and I can't get enough. It is therapeutic and soothing and interesting (hence the name Pinterest). I pin every day and night!

Here is my newest board...I have several, but this one is about moi. I hope you enjoy it!

http://pinterest.com/vanessacantwell/me/

Happy pinning!

♥ V :)

Great Day

We had a wonderful day in the boardroom today! Wonderful, wonderful day. We had the tenant Build-A-Bear in today and I ran their meeting. Lauren Punky got a free Build-A-Bear, and oh, she is the most adorable little bear. She has high heels and hair bows and hearts.

I love watching deal making! I love my job!

However, to every yin is a yang. Here is a nice article for the artist in all of us.

http://www.austinkleon.com/2011/03/30/how-to-steal-like-an-artist-and-9-other-things-nobody-told-me/

I'm jetting off to have dinner with Mills and Mills, Ian and Punky, and SA and CA at Bazbeaux tonight. I can't wait!

Til next time...

♥ V :)

Easter weekend!

I love Easter weekend. We survived, and it was wonderful!

Eggs + glitter + dye + vinegar + lil' love = pretty eggs :)

Easter weekend when you have children is a smaller version of Christmas. There are so many fun things to do, and (sigh) so many things to do to get ready for it. The true meaning of the weekend of course is celebrating Christ and the Resurrection. We did that at Grace church this morning with an AWESOME sermon by Dave Rodriguez. Our church is nothing short of amazing. We all genuinely (except Ian, who we are working on) like going. Dave is our favorite pastor so I always get excited when I see his name in the program. Today was so intense; so amazing it just took your breath away. Audrey and I both cried, and we are not really the crying type. Dave preached to the skeptics today, and the saved, and there was something for everyone. When he said, "Let's raise the ROOF off of this place with our praise!" we genuinely did. It gave me goose bumps and Christ was very much alive there today.

I loved everything about this weekend. It was EXHAUSTING - do not get me wrong: up til 3 am Friday night, and 2 am Saturday night. I am an extreme perfectionist and everything has to be perfect for the children. I want the experience of Easter - all of it, and I am prepared to nearly kill myself to achieve it. But when we are all together and everyone is having fun and in sync, I push through the tiredness and am in the moment with my little family. In these moments, I feel happy and warm and content inside, all rainbowy and very full of love.

Saturday, Ian coached his first soccer game for Olivia's team (he was filling in for her step dad; Ian nor I have ANY CLUE about soccer.) We SO have no idea about anything to do with this sport; it was hilarious. We are intense about our sports, just not THIS sport. We did not know 1.) how many players were to be on the field? 2.) if the kids played both offense and defense? or 3.) anything else really at all.  Ian read the manual 10 minutes before we left. Thank goodness they are 8, and no one really cares, and we are all just glad that they are getting fresh air and exercise.

After soccer, we Easter-egg-hunted! This was Lauren's first Easter egg hunt. I don't really remember doing this as a kid, but I'm sure that we did. (Suddenly when you have kids, every Tom Dick and Harry is asking you if the kids have hunted Easter eggs. You catch on VERY FAST that this is Something The Children Must Experience.) So...we hunted. Literally about 500 kids lined up at a starting line and then set off and the whole thing takes about 5 minutes. My competitive spirit kicked in instantly and I'm furiously pointing to little Punky every egg I can see for a mile. She was very excited, but only occasionally felt the need to pick up an actual egg. That is OK. She was happy, and at age 2, I am OK if she is still more interested in smelling the flowers than getting the most eggs. (I am curious to know what she was thinking about this weekend; it's all centered around bunnies and eggs and candy. And God, but she cannot conceptualize Him at this point. Bizarre.)

Get that egg child!!

Saturday night I obsessed over the children's Easter egg displays until the wee hours. Give a girly, Type A mother several colors of eggs, grass and basket stuffers and you have got a situation on your hands. (There was also an awkward point at which I had Lauren's bunny ears and Ian suggested that I, uh hum, wear these ears, and he was not thinking Easter bunny - more Playboy bunny. I pondered this for about .5 seconds. Why are you even thinking that I would do this? Obviously I would not!) I have to drink wine during the basket stuffing process. I become OBSESSED that it must be a beautiful, breathtaking display of Easter goodness!! The children will run down and be overcome with Easter joy!! Tears of joy will run down their faces! 


For Audrey - at age 12 you are allowed to make suggestions to the Easter bunny - Delia's and Twix

  

Olivia's Loot - a Justin Bieber Love Fest



Punky's spread - I ♥ that Barbie family!! And...those ears...awkward, I know. SO did not happen, stop thinking about it!!

 Of course, this never actually happens but I still obsess, and I love the whole process. Easter was a little more lean a couple of years ago, so I undoubtedly spoiled the children this year and I don't really care. I ♥ Easter, bunnies, lip gloss, peeps and all of the paraphernalia that this weekend brings!! Ian is more into Klaus, and I really get into Easter. I think it's the pastels?

Anywhoo, I love my girls. I love spoiling them. I love staying up late, cuddling in bed in the middle of the day, watching the Sound of Music, and watching them all play together. I love Easter dinner with Ian's family. I love Ian, and this weekend was our 3 year anniversary. There are moments when I am so chock full of love that I think I might explode into little pieces of glittery, happy, chocolaty pieces.

Easter roses for Mommy from Daddy

Happy Easter to everyone! This bunny is signing off, for another year...

♥ V :)

My bridal shower and bachelorette party are this weekend!!

Hmm, let's see, I'll have to pack my bag like Audrey Hepburn...

 and get Punky ready for the bridal shower, where she will lool like a princess...

We'll probably enjoy some drinks at some point during the day...AND night...

I'll channel my inner Carrie and let my fabulous party girl self out for a night...

With all my girls in action...

and if all goes well, this is probably how the night will end!!
I can't wait!!!

♥ V :)

Latest pretties...

I have never seen flowers this pretty!

Hello Kitty sandwich...Lauren needs this, we MUST have this and eat delicious helly kitty sandwiches together!

Did Kristin cut her hair of?? How did I not know this?

Hahahaha, yes, I agree and I have a few friends who would agree as well!

Happy little green kitchen...

Jars on pedestals?? I must create this asap in my new house!

Ian and I got into an argument about these EXACT floors this past weekend. I want this floor and I MUST have it.

Summer is coming ladies!

It's Monday, but I feel TEA-RIFFIC!

Have a great day...

♥ V :)

Puzzle pieces: Happy birthday to me!

Everything I know I learned after I was thirty. - Georges Clemenceau

Well, isn't that fabulous, because I turned 31 this past Monday!

Monday! What a crappy day for a birthday. It was raining cats and dogs. I couldn't really get into the birthday mood until about Wednesday, so of course I had to celebrate for a full week. I always celebrate my birthday for a week. Not a day; a day is not enough celebrating. I see a week as the right amount to properly celebrate a birthday.

In my early twenties, this meant planning lavish parties with limos and lots of friends and several locations to visit. I would spend weeks slaving at the gym and planning my perfect outfit, and take tons of pictures on the big night. I still remember those nights vividly. I'm glad that I have those memories, but that would be a tad bit ridiculous now. So, I have adjusted my wild ways. Ian and I went to a new restaurant in Carmel called the Local Eatery that only buys food from local farms. It is a charming place. Or, as Ian stated, "This place is right up your alley; it's one level above a nap." And he would be right with that statement. I choose that to mean that I appreciate things in a different way now. Five years ago, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy a fresh plate of hummus with savory olives and a stiff drink and call that a birthday. However, now, it is enough to sit next to the man I love and enjoy simple food and drinks together, knowing that I am loved, and celebrate in this way.

However, who am I kidding; that was on Saturday, and I had a lot more birthday in me to celebrate.

My parents stayed for the weekend and we had a lovely time doting over Lauren. Monday night Ian cooked swordfish and crab cakes for me at home from scratch. I lined my pretty cards up and admired them daily. And I shopped myself silly on Friday. So, now I can say that I have fully celebrated my birthday to the fullest. It is done for another year.

Putting all of those things aside, I think of my birthday as the start of my "year." The ugly winter months are behind me, and spring is in full motion. There is more sunlight and I start to feel more alive. I can start running outside and getting a little color to my skin again. I can take Lauren to the park and on long Sunday evening monon strolls. I am at my happiest now, being outside and with summer on the horizon.

I'm reading a fabulous new book, "A Place of Yes" by Bethenny Frankel. I've saved it back as the last gift for myself, and I'm savoring it. In one point in her book, she describes life as a puzzle:

"Everything that happens to you, each experience, each stumble or achievement, is another piece, and the more the puzzle comes together, the more clearly you start to see where the next pieces should go. But nobody would blame you for not knowing where one puzzle piece out of a thousand is supposed to go, when you've only got one corner of the puzzle put together. Be patient. Your life is the puzzle, and it's fun and challenging to put it together, even if you sometimes spend too much time trying to shove a piece into the wrong space. At some point, you figure out that you're doing it wrong, and you try a different piece."

What a novel idea! Snap: another year of the puzzle complete. This is how I feel.

In my early life with my family, I was acquiring the pieces, pieces that would shape who I would become. When I went away to college, I started putting together who I was going to be and building my puzzle. After college, I put a lot of pieces together, but really more than that, I spent a lot of time often trying to cram pieces in where they just didn't fit. Over and over again, I wanted that puzzle to take on more shape, and I jammed and forced and struggled to fit it all together: with relationships that were never going to work out, and with jobs that I hated and struggled through, completely miserable.

My puzzle has a lot more shape to it now. I see it as about half of the way complete. I'm seeing the pieces of my family life right in front of me, fitting together. Ian and I and his girls are still finding our way, and it is still a struggle at times, but I have the pieces now. I'm still trying to see how I feel about adding more to our puzzle, because at times it feels very complete. I'm not sure yet if there is another piece missing or not. I still need more time to figure that out. But I know that decision will continue to take shape, and I will be able to make peace with it, when the time comes.

Ian enables me to keep working on the parts of me that are mine, in my career, to be able to take that time for myself. In the past year, an enormous piece of my professional puzzle fell into place. Although I have more about my work self to figure out and keep working on, and countless more challenges ahead to tackle, I have leaps and bounds more hope that I am on the right track. This fits me, I think. I can be happy doing this. 

When my Lauren was born, she was the biggest piece of the puzzle for my life to feel complete. My place in this world as a mother took shape. She gave every day meaning again, for the first time in a very long time. She challenges me every day, and she makes me grow as a human being: to be better, to love more. I understand that this is not a piece in every one's puzzle, and I am not saying that parenthood is for everyone, or that mothers are somehow superior to people without children. But for me, I didn't truly start living life to the fullest until I brought our child into the world. She was a gift; a surprise. She looks nothing like me, and although she is a version of me, she is her own person with her own puzzle to build and figure out. All I can do is give her the pieces she needs to one day fulfill her own dreams: to love her, take care of her, make her feel safe and help her discover who she is and where her place in the world will ultimately be.

Over the past year I've also started realized that some relationships aren't worth the strife or struggle to keep making them fit. I have changed and evolved and I can accept that we have all changed, at this point in our lives. I have spent a lot of energy on these relationships, and after much heartache, I have accepted them for what they are, or are never, going to be. This makes me sad, but it is all a part of the process, along with the happy and good things. I hope in my heart that they can come full circle; that this isn't how it will always be, and that things will improve and be how they once were. But again, only time will tell.

So there you have it: 31 years of the puzzle are put together. I love thinking about the other half of this puzzle; the part not put together. What else is out there for me to discover, to do, to find, and experience?  I like to think that I will find a job that I was born to do, that I will develop my writing, that I will travel more of the world, that I will make and form new exciting friendships, and that I will see Ian, myself and our children go on many adventures together.

I don't feel old, only older. I feel satisfaction in what I have already done, accomplished and learned. And I feel infinitely excited about the unknown.

Happy, happy birthday to me.

♥ V :)

Friday is HERE!

Friday is finally here! I'm fighting a bit of a cold and hoping it gets better and not worse. I'm looking forward to two whole days with Lauren and Ian this weekend. I'm also hoping to do something fun with Mr. Awesome for my birthday since it's on Monday this year. Another year to celebrate and embrace!

Here are some completely random images for you to enjoy...and when I say random, I mean random. But fun!

Super do-ggy!!

Another map decorating idea...I like this.

Hahahaha

Doesn't this look sooo inviting? I'll have to think of how to do this on a much smaller scale for the girls...hmm...

I truly was born in the wrong era...I could go running around in dresses like this all the day long!

I ♥ Kermit :)

Cat coat.

I just love weiner dogs. Don't you?

Happy weekend everyone!

♥ V :)

Glitter!

I ♥ all things glitter! I love it at Christmas, at Easter, for birthdays...there is never a time when I don't love glitter.

These are so popular right now...I might have to have these for my wedding!

Cupcakes and glitter? Yes, please!

I just saw some glitter tape at Michael's yesterday in lots of pretty colors. Great idea for birthdays and Christmas wrapping...

I couldn't agree more...

I think there is a photo idea for the girls in there...

Glitter and makeup...another wonderful combo.

I refuse to believe that I will ever be too old for glitter.

♥ V :)