Happy (early) New Year!

Now that the last Christmas bow has been put away, it's time to anticipate the next big holiday: New Year's Eve! I am super excited for our plans this year. Mr. Awesome and I will be traveling to the wonderful town of Bloomington this Friday for an overnight stay. Yes, my Alma mater and the town that is home to IU and the Hoosiers!

We have fourth row tickets to the IU vs. Ohio State game on Friday afternoon.  We are having dinner at the Irish Lion beforehand with another couple that Ian has become good friends with through his work.  After dinner and the game, we are heading out to the Bloomington strip for some good Nick's and Bluebird action and wherever else we feel like stopping in at to bring in the new year.  I have a sparkly red sequin shirt to wear, and I am beyond excited to visit one of my favorite towns in the world, with my future husband in tow. ♥ 

I'm hoping to fit in at some point some Kirkwood shopping, an Oliver winery visit, maybe Upland brewery as well, visiting the Union, and a long walk through campus, no matter how cold.  I want to see Dunn meadow and the arboretum and everything that makes IU...IU.

I hope everyone has a very safe and happy New Year. Ian and I are hoping that 2011 will hold many great things for our family. Thanks to many of you and your support, we feel ready to tackle anything that comes our way in order to get back on our feet and rebuild our home. Thank you, thank you to all of you who have helped us!  My 2011 resolution could only be one thing: to be more charitable. I can't think of anything else I want to focus on more in the coming year. I've already started making small changes and it feels wonderful.

So when the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve, I'll be thinking of all of my dear friends and family as I sing Auld Lang Syne...and remembering all of the good memories of family and friends from long ago, and how they have helped us so very much.

Eleven is one of my lucky numbers, so fingers crossed, it's going to be a great year.

♥ V :)

Small victories!

Well, I have to say that this is one of my favorite times of year. The livin' is easy with very little work to do...and NO January busy season coming up for me for the first time in three years. I'll actually get my Martin Luther King Day holiday this year as well, also for the first time in three years. So I find myself happier than usual with a post-holiday glow, with that dreadful feeling no where in sight. I also Sephora-shopped online 'til I dropped with Mr. Awesome's very generous holiday gift card this week, so I'm all excited anticipating those black and white boxes in the mail VERY soon! As in, tomorrow! (Yes, I tracked the package so I would know the exact drop date.)  I will very soon have new products, samples and DELUXE samples in my possession. It doesn't get any better than that.

The best part of my break so far personally (other than all of the family activities) was definitely my Nook last night. My mom and dad gave me a Nook for Christmas, and let me tell you, it has exceeded all of my expectations! After charging it for a full night, I registered and used it for the first time. For a book lover such as myself, it is a treat. It is glorious! I ♥ the Nook!  I downloaded a book to my B&N account on our new home computer, and there it was, that beautiful little book, waiting for me in my library when I got her set up. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how it works. But it DOES and that's all that matters! Somewhere in the wireless world, and thanks to people much smarter than me, there is a way to access books anytime for very little cost in the privacy of your sleeping quarters or wherever you choose to do so. It is just a very fabulous thing.

Other than my nook, we also successfully set up our new computer and camera. Part of the hastle of the fire was A.) that we had none of those things and B.) taking the time to buy them and C.) learning how to set them up, etc. You take for granted that you can do something like post pics on Facebook or take priceless pics of your children until you can't. So I'm feeling pretty relieved and proud that all of those things are set up and ready to go!

Obviously we have many things left to do involving the fire, so all of these small victories are making me happy.  I like taking time to appreciate each little victory, no matter how small. ♥

♥ V :)

Vacation :)

I love this week of the year: the week I saved up vacation ALL year for to enjoy during the holidays!  I have very little time off from my job: about two weeks a year, other than holidays. So it is a wonderful time of year to enjoy myself. Best things about the week, so far:

*Staying up late! Reeaaally really late. Drinking coffee in the evening and then staying up til the wee hours. Nothing better.
*Watching a movie in the middle of the day at the theatre with Ian while eating buttery popcorn and drinking coke
*Shopping online with Christmas gift cards
*Family traditions: old and new. I like how some things stay the same, but new traditions can be fun as well. My sister hosted Christmas this year and we had a ball!
*Lauren going to grandma and grandpa's for a few days. The freedom of the no-kids life is intoxicating but of course I do miss her, very much.
*Not preparing for the work week on Sunday night. :)
*Sleeping in (see above, no kids!)
*Not coming home exhausted and doing the bed time routine. Every day is different.

It's not over yet, but these are just a few of my favorite things. Good night and hope everyone has a restful, happy week!

♥ V :)

Resilience

Resilience: it's been on my mind a lot lately. And to what did my wondering eyes appear in Allure this month? My favorite publication? An article on this very topic. Resilience: the ability of humans not merely to survive trauma and stress, but to bounce back and be happy and productive.  Apparently, they have figured out that it's not a question of how bad an experience was, but rather how equipped you are-biologically and psychologically-to cope with it. Whether or not you have the ability to fight back, or give in during stressful times.

Apparently those that have the ability to overcome awfulness possess two things 1.) strong human connections and 2.) the knowledge or belief that sometimes, shit happens and it's no body's fault.  This "knowledge" can be expressed through faith/belief in a higher power, or an intellectual and emotional letting go. In other words, it is what it is.

Of course, the article says, when something awful happens, we all need time to grieve. And I know that this is true. At the end of the day, it hits me the most when I put my Lauren to bed. When I lay her down on her changing pad, I stare at a colorless white wall. I literally shut my eyes and see her old nursery. I want to go back there so badly. I shut my eyes and see her bubble gum pink walls, and look up at the shelf that I painted. On the shelf I see her memory box that I made myself, the edges etched with rick rack and sequins sprinkled over strawberry shortcake's happy face. I stare at my grandmother's picture, the one of her with my sister and I when we were so young at my great grandmother's house. I see the picture of my mother and I at Rocky Ford. I turn around and see the hat from her first birthday party and the ballerina topper from her cake. I see the curtains on her closet that I hand decorated with darling Martha Stewart decals.  I see my great aunt's chair, that we read books together in every single night. And I realize, I can never go back to that place again. It is gone, and it literally breaks my heart.

And I know at this point, that this is the letting go point. Grieve, and let it go. I have to let it go, and move on. The hardest thing about a fire like ours is that on one hand, you feel so happy and thankful that no one was hurt. Giddy and relieved and overwhelmed with gratitude. But on the other hand, every single day there is another revelation or memory of something you just remember that you lost. Something you hadn't remembered before. And you grieve every single day about the things you carried with you all of your life, that are gone. And also the things that you have for your children. Her baby book, her baby dresses, her coming home outfit. It is all gone, never to be replaced.

At the lowest moments, I tell myself these things: I don't have the baby book, but I have the baby. I don't have the pictures of my grandmother, but I have my memories and her spirit around me, always. I don't have the bibles from my youth, with my scribbled favorite bible verses from summer camp, but I have the scriptures in my mind and my heart: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God would not ever give me anything that I can't handle. I may not have all of my and Lauren's Christmas ornaments, but I have her and the rest of my family to celebrate Christmas with.

I know that God has a plan for my life. I know that he had it before I was born. I know it will sound literally insane, but I am thankful for what this tragedy has brought into my life. There will come a point in my life where I will understand why this happened. There will be a light bulb moment, where I utilize the strength I have gained from going through this experience. I already feel it. The only thing I can compare it to was when I became a mother. I got it: parents, coworkers, family, friends I could never relate to before, I got them, it, the love you have for a child. It changes you forever. And this tragedy has now changed me forever as well. I can see things I never saw or felt before: compassion on another level. Gratitude for my community and friends and family, elevated to the 10th degree. And I am thankful.

The article said it best: "Certainly, those who are the most resilient, who've been through the worst and come out smiling, agree: Failure and loss, while not to be celebrated, are to be accepted, even embraced.  This doesn't mean that problems aren't deeply felt and remembered. But those who are resilient do not let their traumas define them. 'I'm 99% a happy and joyous person. I love the same stupid things I loved before, I laugh at the same jokes...but now there's a different dimension to it all. Do I wish I'd [been through this?] Of course not. But who I am now exceeds who I was before.'"

♥ V :)

Merry Christmas Ian...

This is one of my favorite Christmas songs ever. Thanks Manda, for reburning the CD for me. It wouldn't have been Christmas without it. You read my mind, like usual.

To Ian, through all of it, we're still going strong. I love you. This songs to you. Love, me. ♥

"Another Year Has Gone By"



So many 25th's of December

Just as many 4th of July's

And we're still holding it together

It only comes down to you and I



I know you can still remember

Things we said right from the start

When we said that this could be special

I'm keeping those words deep down in my heart



Another year has gone by

And I'm still the one by your side

After everything that's gone by

There's still no one saying goodbye

Though another year has gone by



I never been much for occasions

You never let another birthday go by

Without announcing how much you love me

But the truth was always there

Right there in your eyes



And we're still holding hands when we're walking

Acting like we've only just met

But how can that be - when there's so much history

I guess that's how true lovers can get



Another year has gone by

And I'm still the one by your side

After everything that's gone by

There's still no one saying goodbye

Though another year has gone by

Donations: Spread the love around ♥

I'm about to scoot off for the weekend here in a minute, but I wanted to post a really quick blog about our donation situation. And LET ME TELL YOU, it is a situation...

I want to say first and foremost, it is most definitely probably the opposite of what you are thinking. I know you are in your warm cozy house, looking at your pretty lit up Christmas tree, and you are feeling sorry for us. I want to tell you right now: DON'T.  We have been beyond fortunate with donations, of cash, checks, clothes, gift cards, etc. So much so that it is SO over the top, we can not believe it. Our cash reserves are high. Our spirits are getting there and climbing every day. We both have good jobs, we were insured, and we WILL replace our things and rebuild our home.

I also work for the most amazing company. The retail community has reached out to my family so much, I won't even tell you what we have received. Because I fear it will set off an epidemic of Simon employees burning down their homes just to get the loot! It is unbelievable how generous they have been.

My point is this: we have enough. More than enough. Enough clothes, love, money to get us through.  There are little kids out there that don't even have coats. Or a book in the house. Heck, there are some SCHOOLS that don't even have books.  Actual schools!  So please, if you want to give something, give to those that need it more than us. People that go to bed hungry. Children with parents that don't take care of them, or read them bed time stories. We are not those people, and we are so thankful for all that we have already received. 

We know that this tragedy will change the way we view our community forever. We have never felt so much love ♥. Thank you to everyone, big and small, that has helped us recover and get back on our feet! We ♥ all of you, more than you know!

There are people out there that need donations more than we do, it's just all of our jobs to go find them...happy hunting, and happy holidays.

♥ V :)

Our miracle

"Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing."

As I sit down to write this, I realize that I am a different person than I was a week ago. My family and I experienced a life changing event last Wednesday night.  As anyone close to me knows, our house burnt completely to the ground after 11:00pm on December 1st, 2010. The 911 call was placed at 11:08pm.  The few minutes leading up to that literally determined the course of the rest of our lives.

Ian and I were up late together that night.  I was working on putting together the flower ideas for our wedding to meet with our florist the next evening.  We were joking, laughing, having a mid-week cocktail and in wonderful spirits.  I distinctly remember thinking that day how close to perfect things really were: I was planning my wedding, loving my new job, and excited for Lauren's second Christmas.  Christmas was right around the corner and I was busy planning, stocking away surprises for the kids, plotting the perfect gift wrapping scheme...all of the things that any mother does for her family. (Ok, I'm a little over the top with gift wrap; my perfectionism tends to peak at the holidays!) That all changed that night.

Ian and I heard a loud "boom" come from the garage.  The first time it happened, we didn't stop everything. About five minutes probably went by. Five minutes of our garage burning down and we had no idea. The second "boom" we heard, we stopped what we were doing.  We knew it was in the garage. As we walked back to listen, Ian was literally a few feet away from the back kitchen door. If Ian had opened that door, the back draft surely would have killed him right before my eyes. Something made him think to not open the door but instead to go around the front of the house. We thought there was a robber in the garage, and we didn't want to open the door to face him and let him in our house.

Ian ran back in and screamed to get the kids, the whole thing was on fire.  I sprinted up the stairs, screamed like a drill sergeant at Audrey fire, fire, fire, fire, get up, get up, get up. She did. I grabbed Lauren and we ran back down the stairs and out the front door. The whole thing probably took one minute. None of us even had shoes on. The rest of the night was a blur. We went to bed exhausted at 3:30am.

There are so many things on my mind these days that it's a wonder I get from Point A to Point B anymore. But I can not stop thinking about that one minute; the one minute that it took to get the children out of the house and away from the fire. One minute. How many minutes of our lives are wasted?  Minutes spent watching TV, cleaning, waiting in line. That one minute determined our futures. Every minute with our children after that night has been a miracle. Their lives are so precious, so so so precious.

"The only way to live is to accept each minute as an unrepeatable miracle, which is exactly what it is: a miracle and unrepeatable."

♥ V :)

Wedding Color Inspiration...

It's no secret that green is my favorite color. So of course, my inspiration for our wedding would be green! Happy, glorious green. However, narrowing down a shade was a labor of love. How does one decide between so many shades they love? Kelly, emerald, spring, lime...love, love, love but not quite right.

So here it is...my final decision. Sea foam green! You are perfect! 

I ♥ Wedding Planning!!

Ahhh, yes, for a while now, I have been delighting in the joyous event that is WEDDING PLANNING! For any of you that know me, I ♥ planning events. Parties. Gatherings. Anything that requires an invitation, I'm in. And now, I'm getting in to the thick of the planning, as the big events have been checked off of my list for months. The big items were easy. Ceremony venue? Check! Reception location? Check! Dress? Check! (And all of those involved signing checks, as well.)

But now it is beginning to get into the nitty gritty. This is the part that separates the girls from the women. And OOOOHHH, how I love a challenge. I'm currently debating the merits of hues such as seafoam, pearl, blush and peony. And did you know how many variations of milk glass there are? Well, I do.  If any of you have any ruffled hobnail vases or medium compotes laying around, holla at me.  Two hundred and forty one days until my wedding, you tell me knot.com? Well, that is two hundred and forty one days I can plan a delightful, glorious wedding extravaganza!

I realize that my vision is different than  most. I believe in the hand made, the sought after, the uncommercial. The older, more vintage or retro it is, the more I want it. This makes my search a little tricky, but more rewarding. However, it makes it also virtually impossible for me to walk into a Michael's and find anything relative to my vision. So on I search!

Observations on wedding planning to date:

• Putting mason jars on your tables does not original make. It does however, make you cheap, and unoriginal.
• If I see another blog featuring a grey and yellow wedding scheme, I am going to unhook my computer and launch it into a wall.  Because it will be SO fun explaining to future generations why you picked the most hideous color palette alive because it was "popular" at the time.
• I will not be wearing a bird cage on my head on my wedding day. As much as I love a good bird cage veil, this trend is SO last year!! LY!! LY!! (Nor will I be sporting a Carrie Bradshaw bird on my head. 'nuff said.)
• I knew what my wedding makeup would look like before I envisioned my dress. ♥
• Women should not be allowed to bear children during bridesmaiding years. I say this from firsthand experience, as I was three months pregnant at my good friend Jen's wedding. Not only was I POPPING out of my dress, I couldn't drink, but I had to pretend that I was. Not fun. And the planning process is scary when you think someone will be with child. Also, there was an incident (Courtney) that involved scissors and a bathroom that we won't speak of. All you need to know is that being pregnant and a bridesmaid is a BAD combo!
• Having a baby out of wedlock actually proves beneficial on your wedding day! My daughter will get to see me marry her father. How cool is that?
• At the end of the day, it's still just another day, another party. I tell myself this. But that doesn't mean that I don't want it to feel a little (ok, a LOT) magical when that day arrives.

♥ V :)

Flashes of eyelashes

I open my eyes and it is early and dark outside. It is the middle of the week, which is better than the beginning, but there is no delicious feeling that it is Friday or Saturday. I think of the day ahead of me, and all that there is to do and all of the places that I have to go. I cuddle next to Ian, and drink in our togetherness: warm and sleepy and nestled together like bears, in our cave. I entertain the idea of getting up early, but I decide instead to go to my cub's den and retrieve my baby bear. I creep in her room in my nightgown, with the stillness of our house surrounding me. Her bottom is up in the air, with her arms tucked beneath her, just as she always sleeps. My heart sinks that maybe she is not awake. But alas! I peek over her crib, and she rolls over to look at me with her big blue baby bear eyes. We make no sounds as I scoop her up gently. I slide her into bed with us, all of the bears together now, safe in our cocoon.

We lay cuddled together, and I stroke her face and stare into sparkling eyes. Eyes that are my own looking back at me: big eyes, surrounded by her daddy's thick lashes. It strikes me how rarely we lay still together with all of the routine of daily life, and I soak up the moment and store it deep into my mommy memory.  She coos and speaks her baby talk, and we laugh and play games. I point to her nose and eyes and ears. I rub her chubby cheeks and admire her newly minted baby teeth. I run her curls through my hands and wonder what she thinks in this moment.  I think that she knows that her mother loves her very much. And I wonder if she can literally feel the love I have for her, passing from my aura to hers. 

My gentle child strokes my arm in return. I don't know how or why God blessed me with this gentle, lovable sweet child. She is truly a dream. I don't deserve such an easy, wonderful effortless child. I hear stories of other people's children, and I can't even wrap my head around how difficult they sound. We don't have any of that. Will it come one day? I don't know.

In a flash, she will be grown. Gone. She will be too big to lay on a cold, early morning with her mother, wrapped in blankets. But today, we have this moment, together. I mentally capture her beautiful face and eyelashes and wish we could stay in this moment forever, my sweet baby girl and I.

♥ V :)

Thankful

With all of the changes that have been going on in my work life, it's nice to spend the weekend with friends and family and really relax. It's a funny thing I'm finding, that when you don't hate your job, you feel so much more energized to do all of the other one million things you are required to do.  Hating your job is a very exhausting and arduous task that sucks the life out of you, day by day. Now that I don't hate my job, I'm finding I have leaps and bounds more energy to devote to my personal life. I knew and hoped that this change would be for the better, and I'm really relaxing and letting myself breathe again.

I've been thinking lately about how we are always thinking and working towards the next big thing, or goal. When you really think about it, at what point are you really ever thankful for and living in THIS moment? Where you are today.  Once I started my new job, I started to ask that question. How long can I enjoy this moment and appreciate where I am, before it becomes about getting to the next level? I realized that if you never slow down and feel thankful, you're never truly in the moment, appreciating this part of your life.

I'm consciously trying to slow down and enjoy "this phase." This phase where even though I still have career goals, or may want a bigger family, or a bigger house, I enjoy THIS phase of my life. It's not something I'm accustomed to, because I'm a very forward looking person. I guess maybe some people don't have to work at this, or maybe don't think about having to do this, but I realize now that I do, and I want to do it.

This phase for me is about many things. It's about spending time with Ian, who I love dearly and who spoils me with treats and is entirely way too good to me. It's about loving my beautiful daughter, and seeing how she changes into a little girl every single day and leaves her baby self behind. It's about bonding with my step daughters: having fun bundled up in blankets watching Disney movies, enjoying our new kitten Frank, and singing and dancing with Lauren. I'm watching their sister bonds literally form before my eyes, and I'm still working on getting to know their personalities and who they are as people. This phase is about watching my parents enjoy being grandparents, and seeing the joy that Lauren brings to them. This phase is about enjoying Ian's wonderful family, and being appreciative that I have a second home away from home. It's also about staying close with my girlfriends and keeping it real and having fun. Even though we are older, sitting down with my oldest friends makes me feel young again. All of these things are important to me, make me happy, and for that I'm extremely thankful.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, in between the crunchy fall leaves, chocolate covered, scary, holiday of Halloween and the larger than life, happy, exciting, (stressful), holy Christmas holiday season. This year I'm going to try and really enjoy it!

"If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for." ~Unknown

♥ V :)

Latest and greatest...

Yikes! I haven't blogged in over three weeks!  Must blog, must catch up, must share the latest...

Hmm...well, I've been adjusting to lots of changes at work or course, which has been interesting and wonderful, and also exhausting and draining. I find myself completing very little work, because I'm learning how to do everything at my new job for the first time, yet coming home strangely EXHAUSTED. Like, pregnant exhausted. (Don't worry, I'm not, but you get the idea.) All new work, people - it's been taking it out of me. Don't worry, they are good changes...I can't say enough good things about how interesting and refreshing the work and people and my new surroundings are. (And lets just say that I didn't picture myself running audio and video equipment for four satellite offices at once with a DVP of leasing in the room. Note to self: MUST LEARN VIDEO EQUIPMENT!) To cope, I've enlisted Mr. Awesome to pick up a few more child rearing duties, such as giving Lauren a bath a couple of nights a week, which I'm hoping will perk me up in no time!

Lately I've been obsessed with style, and fashion, and...boots. Let's just say that I need to "tweak" my wardrobe a bit to dress for my new job. No more uniform of colored button up with dark dress pants. Nope, not going to fly. I've been seeing lots of belts, sweater dresses, tights, and leggings on my coworkers. Because after all, we do work in retail, and now that I'm technically on the leasing floor, it's all about sales and presentation and style. So, I'm about to undergo a style change. I can NOT figure out the boot situation at work, however. All of the styles are somewhat hideous and look uncomfortable and weird. But I'm going to have to do it! Bite the bullet! Wear new styles to work! Buy patterned tights and wear them with boots and belts! (Audrey is eleven and owns seven pairs of boots. WHY is an eleven year old out dressing me I ask?)

My also-new coworker has a 4 month old baby at home, and comes in on Fridays with 3 inch heels in a sweater dresses, tights, a belt and a chunky necklace. For the love of God, if SHE can do it, I have to step up my game. However, I draw the line at blue nail polish. I ACTUALLY saw a leasing rep come into a meeting with blue nail polish on and a large blue ring. I mean, really? She thought, "Yes, I'll go with blue, that will look GREAT!" Arrrgh. I'll always be a geek at heart, but I've got to get this fashion thing figured out STAT. So, I've been focusing on this and hope to get it under control soon.

I've also been obsessing about my hair quite a bit. I have had to push my hair apt back about 3 times...there is always someone I have to see or somewhere I have to be. So today, I had to do a mini salon apt in my bathroom that consisted of a box of dye and Ian's scissors from his shaving kit. Roots are gone and I successfully trimmed my own bangs. It's amazing what you can do once you become a mom. Amazing! In Lauren news, I believe that she might become a hairdresser. She likes to play "beauty shop." After work, I sit on the floor and she plays with my hair every day. She also takes my straightener out of my gym bag and "straightens" my hair...err, wacks me repeatedly in the head with it but it's so cute I let her do it! ha!  (It's probably a good thing that she knows how to use a straightener early on because have you SEEN her hair? I have nightmares about her in junior high with red, curly hair....NIGHTMARES.)

But she is just getting cuter and cuter every day it seems, doing more big girl things. We recently have started having dance parties in my room with her sisters where we put Britney Spears on and dance...and we may or may not have put makeup on Lauren. Lets just say that she knows her way around lip gloss and she's not afraid to use it. After all, she was blessed (cursed?) with a product-loving mom and two adorable older sisters.

Well, need to get some shut eye before another big work week. Maybe the boot fairy will visit my bedroom tonight?!?!?! Yes?? One can hope...! Everyone have a great week. :)

♥ V :)

Fall Friday

Lauren and I ventured to the monon this week; a week night treat. There are two beautiful horses that reside in a field by a monon entrance by our house, so we stopped by to see them before we set out on the trail. I see people stopped with their strollers, admiring them with their children. And if there are horses to be seen, then my Lauren is going to see the horses!  We strolled (literally) over by the fence, and they galloped over to greet us from the middle of the field. No doubt they thought we held carrots or apples, and we did not. The beasts were huge and magnificent and beautiful. Lauren was very impressed. Chalk one up for mommy!

Next, we headed out onto the trail.  The air was crisp, the sun was shining.  The leaves were too beautiful to describe. It was a perfect fall day, and we, together, were spending it in the perfect way. ♥

###

A friend of a friend forwarded me the link today of her blog describing her travels through Africa. I know her friend; we are acquaintances. I have stayed at her apartment in Chicago where she lives. Recently, she turned 30 years old, quit her job and began traveling all over the world, but mostly in Africa, for months.

So there I was, drinking my coffee, going through my Friday routine, and reading about her travels to Africa.  It was beyond fascinating. She's working with children, teaching them in school.  It's at this point when you begin questioning a few things about your own life. What makes one person decide to uproot her life, and not another? Are my options to do something like this gone forever, now that I am a mother of a small child? (And let's be frank: I am not suggesting I am the type of person to take showers from a bucket and live a foreign land.) 

I think about travel a lot, because once you have a child, your options become limited. I also think about travel in terms of my job, because I may have to travel again eventually if my new position leads to a leasing position.  Here is what I have decided: it is great to live in the moment. And it is great to live each day as if it were your last. But all of us simply don't have those options, all of the time. There are children to be raised, and men that need us at home. I still have dreams of traveling again, to faraway places and even more extensively here in the US. But right now, at this Time In My Life, there are people that I have to care for at home. 

###

I start my new position at Simon in less than 6 working days. Six! Several people have asked me what I will be doing. Well, I'll tell you what I won't be doing: Accounting.  I'll be working in a department called Portfolio Review as an Analyst. Basically, I will be a liaison between our leasing reps (sales force, who lease our shopping malls) and the tenants (i.e. Gap, Gucci, etc.) The tenants often come in and negotiate global deals for more than one mall at a time. I will be helping coordinate those meetings, sit in on the meetings, work with leasing to forecast "what if" situations for different deal scenarios and form relationships with the tenants. I will be watching the leasing reps, seeing how they negotiate deals, see what works, and what doesn't. It will be an entirely new and different world than what I am used to.

This is one of the last Fridays I have in my current position. I'm trying to enjoy the feeling of knowing what I'm doing, because I suddenly won't in a little over a week. To celebrate, at lunch I picked up the new issue of Allure, my beauty bible, and a slice of pumpkin bread at Borders. I sat down on Monument circle and enjoyed the sunshine, and read my magazine, and enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the people around me.  It was a beautiful way to wind down the week. Everyone have a lovely weekend.

♥ V :)

DIY Cute Fall Wreath!

I made this super cute, easy DIY fall wreath today, mostly with items from the Dollar Store!  The whole thing cost roughly $10.  You will need 3-4 packages of loose fall leaves, spray adhesive (Elmer's makes one for $3.99) ribbon, glitter (optional), a brooch you can find at Michael's (optional), and a white Styrofoam board. Then pull out your glue gun and scissors and get crafting.

First, measure and cut your cardboard to 20" by 20", with 4" sides. Next, I took several colors of glitter and laid my leaves out. Use spray adhesive to spray each leaf, and then spoon the glitter on. I didn't do all of the leaves, probably about half, but it really gives it that extra sparkle! :)

Look in the dollar bins by the checkout lanes at Michael's for scrapbook glitter. I got 4 different colors in each pack for $1! Martha Stewart Glitter is $19.99 for about 12 colors, but these were much cheaper. The leaves are from the Dollar Store, and the brooch is from Michael's in the bead section.

Pictured is the frame, and glittered leaves. I used all different colors of glitter on the leaves...gold, red, orange, brown, green...there are endless options!



After you get your leaves glittered, plug in your glue gun and get it hot. First, glue your ribbon to the back of the wreath, in the center. Then, start layering leaves all over the frame. Make sure to layer the leaves over the edges so that you don't see any white showing through.  Hold the wreath up several times to see if there are any visible white spaces.

After you cover the entire wreath with leaves, glue your brooch under the ribbon in the center of the wreath. To hang mine, I measured the length from the top of the door to exactly where I wanted it to lay (mine was 20'').  I then hammered a flat tack on the top of the door (hidden) and voila! My beautiful wreath is complete!  You could do your own with different colors of leaves, glitter, and ribbon. I like bright colors so this was perfect for my home. Happy crafting!   

♥ V :)

Nine reasons you might be happier than you think you are

I absolutely love this article I came across yesterday on Yahoo!

Your emotional well-being isn’t just about your genes or the kind of home you were raised in. It turns out that some pretty interesting factors—backed by science—play a role in how joyful you feel:

You were a smiley student
Adults with the biggest grins in their college yearbook pictures were up to 5 times less likely to be divorced decades later than those who looked less happy, according to a new DePauw University study. A smiler’s positive disposition may attract other happy people or rub off on a spouse.

You have a sister
People with at least one female sibling report better social support, more optimism, and better coping abilities, according to a study presented at the British Psychological Society’s annual conference. Sisters appear to encourage communication and cohesion in families.

You're not glued to the TV
The happiest people spend 30% less time parked in front of the tube, according to a University of Maryland study that analyzed 34 years of data from more than 45,000 Americans. They’re more likely to spend time socializing, reading, or attending religious services—habits that are linked to better moods and health.

You keep souvenirs on display
People who use mementos or photos to remind themselves of good times better appreciate their lives and are happier, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, a professor of psychology at University of California, Riverside. Good memories remind you of your “happiness potential” and promise that soon you can reach it again.

You make exercise a priority
People who exercise more are less likely to be stressed and more likely to be satisfied with life, according to Danish researchers. Compared with sedentary people, joggers are 70% less likely to have high stress levels and life dissatisfaction, the study found. Couch potatoes who start moderate exercise—the equivalent of 17 to 34 minutes a day—experience the greatest happiness lift.

You have a healthy love life
Physical intimacy is a key contributor to happiness, found a study by Dartmouth economist David Blanchflower, PhD, and Andrew Oswald, PhD, of England's University of Warwick. Married people report 30% more sex than singles, which may be one reason they also report being happier.

You hang out with happy people
Socializing with a cheerful person in your neighborhood increases the likelihood that you’ll be happy too, according to a new study. How often you get together matters most, say the researchers: People who live within half a mile of a buoyant buddy increase their odds of being happy by 42%. If the friend lives farther away (within a 2-mile radius), the chances drop to 22%—probably due to fewer get-togethers.

You stay warm with hot cocoa
Clutching a steaming beverage—coffee and tea also do the trick—can elicit a flood of positive feelings, according to a Yale University study. This may be because people associate physical warmth with emotional warmth, say the researchers. Study subjects held cups of either hot or iced coffee; those gripping warm mugs were more appreciative of friendliness in others and also felt more generous and trusting themselves.

You have two best friends
Among 654 married adults, those who said they had at least two “best friends” (not necessarily including one’s spouse) were likelier to have better mental well-being, says a study. But additional friends didn’t lead to any more happiness than just a pair.

I love all of these! I find myself to be a pretty happy cat...almost all of these are true for me most of the time. Love it! Goes along with my recent reading of Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project." All good food for thought.

TGIF! (That's a good reason to be happy right there...)

♥ V :)

Chicago: College Reunion 2010

Last weekend I had the good fortune to travel to Chicago to visit three of my college roommates. We had been planning the trip for months, with strings of emails squeezed in during the day; debating which city, what days, and who would be able to make the trip. These are the same girls that I used to spend endless hours with in our dorms, then apartment and finally senior year house having "table talk" as we used to call it. Discussing the endless details and visions of what our futures would be, who we would one day meet, planning and plotting as to how it would all turn out.

Over ten years later, so many of those details have played out. We find ourselves living our lives as mothers, and partners and wives, and trying so very hard to still be a friend when we can to each other.

But it is hard. It is so very hard, to find the time to get together, even one weekend a year. It is hard to plan out the details of the trip, and who will watch the babies.  But we know that we must do it.  We must become those girls again. We must honor them and their vision. And we simply must have some fun. :)

As soon as we arrive in the city, I can barely contain my excitement as we anticipate Jen's exit on North Avenue off of 90.  We take it to Sheffield, then Willow, and finally to Dayton. The people of Chicago surround us on the streets, dressed in their North face jackets and scarves draped across their necks. (Two things I know for sure about going to Chicago are 1.) it will be freezing cold no matter what the season, and 2.) I will not be wearing anything that anyone there is currently wearing. This however, always ensures a good shopping trip is in order.)  We turn down Jen's beautiful tree-lined street with the tall condo's in a row. They are beautiful and grand and it is so good to be back to this familiar place.

Once everyone arrives, it is a flurry of hugs, and more hugs, and showing off pictures and laughter. We admire the newest petite yaya, the beautiful Harper. She is exquisite and immediately I feel the hunger for another one of my own. We ooh and ahh, and she is bouncing on her little baby legs in her tiny pants, and I think, when was my Lauren ever that small?

The rest of the weekend is a flurry of shopping...with mimosas at BCBG, bath bombs at Lush, monkey shirts for the kids at Paul Frank, Arden B for new going out outfits, and too many more to mention.  Lunch is bagels at Chicago Bagel Authority, of course. We take turns showering just like old times, debate outfits and makeup and take lots of pics. Then it is time for a cab to Sushi Samba for a toast over dirty martini's (extra dirty) and sushi we share.  Then out to District, where I see girls in their early 20's wearing no makeup dancing on top of chairs and dancing with strangers and generally not giving a damn. It is good to see these girls and remember, and instead of being annoyed, I am enthralled by their energy.

By Sunday, I miss my baby so much it physically hurts. I wake up at 8am and cannot believe how many stops and hours it will be before I am back with her.  I have been doing too much, and been gone too many weekends. We did nothing last year when she was an infant, and we have been taking no prisoners with our weekends this year. But I am ready to be back to her as soon as I can get to her, and I am counting the minutes until I can see her little face and hold her close to me.

We say our goodbyes, and make the long drive home. Another reunion has come and gone. Our friendships are still in tact. I treasure them more every year. We trek back with new memories, back to our families, our roles, back to the lives that we have carved out for ourselves, leaving those girls behind once again, until the next time we are reunited.
♥ V :)

Roots and Wings

"Perhaps if we never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change."

~Carrie Bradshaw

Yes, things are definitely changing around here. Summer is in its last act, and fall is getting ready to put on a big show.  I love this time of year (doesn't everybody?) when there is a nice chill in the air, and you need a cozy blanket on your bed at night. We pack away our swimsuits, and take out our colorful sweaters. And as one season is changing, I am also ready for a change of my own. Because this girl has got a brand new job!

I won't go into great detail about it, because really, I don't think that anyone cares too much about what another person does to earn a living. But I am hoping that this change feeds positivity and energy into all areas of my life, making me a better partner, mother and friend.  My day to day nine to five life is going to change, in what I am hoping is for the better.

The last seven years have been challenging. But I finally feel that this new position will use more of my strengths, make me happier. Allow me to shine and in the words of my new boss, become more than an accountant and more of what I envision myself to be professionally.  I will have to use an entirely new set of skills...dust them off and sharpen them up.  But I am SO excited!!  Thirty is turning out to be a wonderful year. Out with the old, and in with the new. Onward and upwards.

To all of you who may know what a struggle it has been to work for my boss over the past three years, you will know that this was a victory that I have literally been praying for.  All I can say is this: you can't keep a good (wo)man down.  Never give up hope that things will change.  I have five weeks to go until I can start my new job. As the leaves are turning and the temps are dropping, I will also be making my own changes to get ready for a new season. A season of change, new challenges, opportunities, people (and new clothes. Lots of them!!) 

I'm off to a bonfire tonight for my sister's birthday in the WC. Back to my roots. Leavin' this city behind to go back to where I came from with the people that I love! Wings are nice, but I'm ready for roots tonight. (and cold beer, my hoody zipped up and some country music on the radio...)

Roots and wings, roots and wings, that's what it's ALL about!

♥ V :)

Secrets and a Snake

Ok, Sara, you have inspired me with your confessions. Deep dark confessions are the BEST to read!

I promised myself when I started this blog that I would try to be real, that I would not become one of those candy-coated mommy bloggers that brags about her kids.  Because it's not easy, and it's hard and I have doubts every day about whether or not I'm doing a good enough job. I have doubts at my work; I have doubts about Ian and I. Sometimes it feels like I want to run away and "drop my basket" like Vivi did in the Yaya's. I TRY to keep perspective, and I TRY to see the light side of things, but I do have my dark moments, and lately I've been having a lot of them. I want them to go away, but I realize that they may never really go away...that I just have to work through them and that hopefully on the other side of these doubts, I will find all of those cotton candy rainbows that you envision when you are growing up.

So here they are...my true confessions:

1.) I worry that I chose the totally wrong career. I'm trying to fix this but I often think SELF, why did you check that little box next to accounting? Oh self, why would you do such a thing. (I also confess that one day I may snap and yell at all of the people that talk to me at work to LEAVE ME ALONE. I do not want to hear your stories. I don't care what happened in traffic this morning. I just simply don't give a damn.)
2.) I worry that I don't spend enough time with Lauren. Why doesn't she cry when I leave...is it because she is so used to me leaving that it is normal to her?
3.) Why do I suck so bad at monogamy? Not in being monogamous, but in WANTING to be?  Why do I fantasize about running away to a little village by the sea and never returning, and leaving all of my responsibilities at home. Did I not get the gene?
4.) I miss my friends so much. I miss having friends that I get to see all the time. I miss drinking martini's and wearing bright green eye shadow if I want to, with blue mascara and long dangly earrings. I miss having reasons to wear those things in the first place. You don't get to wear bright green eye shadow when you're a mom.
5.) I worry I'll be eternally young at heart forever.

I really need to shake this funk. 

P.S. I thought I was having a bad week until this morning. My mom told me that my sister found a snake in her closet.  Yep, she needs to move. That house ain't no good anymore. It just won't do.

Here's to hoping that we don't let our secrets or the snakes get the best of us.

♥ V :)

Camping and Canoeing!

I'm exhausted, filthy dirty and have an enormously busy week ahead, but if I don't post something tonight, there won't be any time!  The laundry is piled to the ceiling, I haven't showered since Friday but it was all so worth it to get away and go camping and canoeing this weekend.  I seriously couldn't take ONE more minute of corporate America after this week. I had to leave all of my stress at the office and head out into the beautiful, great, green outdoors...

Yesterday we did a million different things at Turkey Run.  We hiked trail number 3 (accidentally picked one that was treacherous - oops), which was beautiful and scary and fun!  We checked out the nature center.  We played 18 holes of putt putt golf, in which I WON (and therefore Ian lost, so we got to hike another trail this morning.)  We raced go karts (and watched some hill jack type people try to fight each other, and one actually pulled a gun. It's a long story, but let me tell you one thing: the people in Parke County are just DIFFERENT, OK. It's another world over there.)

Back at our cabin, which was basically the equivalent of sleeping in a shed when it's 90 degrees out with no air conditioning, we roasted hot dogs and made S'mores. And then we settled in and tried to sleep. It was HOT up in that cabin last night!! I have never appreciated air conditioning more in my life upon our return home. NEEEEVER.  (A lot of strange events on this trip related to people we saw - this morning I woke up to the couple next door fighting for two hours. Like, dropping the f' bomb fighting, over and over again.  THEN, we passed them on a trail this morning! Like a happy little normal family just hiking! It was bizarre. Olivia pointed at the woman and said, "That is the woman that was yelling!" She smirked at us.  Oh, what comes out of the mouths of babes.)

This morning we headed over to the Turkey Run Inn for the breakfast buffet. It was a magical breakfast experience. The donuts and french toast sticks were de-lic-ious.  Then we hit trail #6. Another beautiful trail, with lots of interesting things to take in. We stopped by the pool to swim for an hour, Gobbler's know for a snack, and then off to canoeing!

Thanks to Kelly and Nick for planning the canoe trip. We had a GREAT time!  I had not a care in the world floating and paddling down the long, winding, lazy river. It was fun to stop, throw back a couple drinks and catch up with Abbey and Kelly. It's been a while since we have gotten to see any friends, so I really appreciated everyone getting together.

It's back to the grind this week...another grueling budget week with month end close thrown in for fun. It will be insanely, miserably busy. I'm already looking forward to the looong, lazy three day weekend for Labor Day. Summer is almost over, and we have squeezed in every fun thing we possibly could. It's exhausting AND exhilarating and I've loved (almost) ever minute of it! Everyone have a great week! (I'll be paddling in my mind on the river, not in my cubicle if you need me...)

♥ V :)

One Car and One Martini

Sliding up to the bar, I swing my leg over the bar stool and lay my magazine, purse and cell phone down.  I ease into the seat, and grasp for the shiny, massive menu that is The Cheesecake Factory.  I scan the martini's, quickly, because the quicker I order, the quicker I get my one, precious, glorious martini. It has to be quick, because I have exactly 24 minutes until I pick up Mr. Awesome at work, and then it's back to reality.

Don't. judge. me.

###

Thursday:

Mr. Awesome: "It's your lucky day!"

Me: "Why?" (Suspicious tone)

Mr. Awesome: "You get to take the girls to the Justin Bieber concert!"

Me: "Umm...sure?"

Two opening acts, two intermissions, $10 for 3 drinks, 2 million (it seemed like) screaming tween girls and one Bieber Fever later, I arrive home from downtown, after a 15 hour day.  It's not bad enough that I wasn't a concert person the FIRST time around; I just sat through over three hours of shrieking fans yelling in a sweater vest, pearls and a white colored shirt with a too big $400 coach purse, surrounded by tan, cougar looking women in sparkly tank tops and too high heals leading little girls in tutu's by the hand.  (Will my Lauren do this some day? Jump up and down at a concert, sing all the words and scream her head off for a 17 year old teen pop star? The idea is exciting and at the same time, absolutely terrifying. ) The past and future sorority girls of the world were all in attendance tonight, while I sit back feeling once again, why is it that I'm here?

Saturday: Zionsville horse fair, Lauren covered in heat rash

Sunday: Selena Gomez concert at the state fair, in 100 degree temps

Monday: House cleaner came, house still a wreck and WHERE ARE THE LAST TWO DIAPERS? The important two, the two that are in Lauren's room for after her bath and the next morning. As I'm looking around, of course Lauren (who is naked from her bath) begins to pee on the changing table, so it's BACK to the bath. One disgruntled phone call later to get her to come back and finish the job she started, I'm not convinced she didn't steal those two diapers. Seriously, WHO STEALS DIAPERS?!

All week: SHARING ONE CAR

Dear God, is it fall yet? How much more of this torturous summer pace in Apocalypse type weather can we take?

Please, pretty please, with a cherry on top and TWO blue cheese stuffed olives...

Don't. Judge. Me.

♥ V :)

Balls in the air, and building it all back up...

Lauren and I had a glorious day today. We took a trip up to Lafayette, to see my parents and visit the Columbia Park zoo. We had a delicious picnic in the pavilion, thanks to my mother. My mother, who is superwoman. She should go around town wearing a cape...

We casually planned yesterday to have a picnic at the park today, thrown together last minute. I said I would bake cupcakes and bring chips and drinks. Ian said, "Betcha won't" and as usual, he was right. (In fairness, I did break out my Betty - that's Betty Crocker - and dust her off, to look up a red velvet cupcake recipe. But when I discovered that a red velvet cupcake is really a devil's food chocolate cupcake with some red food coloring, I felt cheated. How could this be?? The cupcakes did not get made.) Sooo, I showed up at the picnic with three bottles of water. My mother, on the other hand, had rolled out her checked table cloth and it appeared that she did not sleep last night. Homemade potato salad (she scoffed when we asked her where she bought it - "Buy?? I don't buy those kinds of things!), brownies cut into squares and placed upon squares of parchment paper ever so gently on top of each other, a farmer's market worthy display of fruits, and my favorite, little baggies of pickles, each marked "sweet" and "dill." She took a marker and literally marked sweet and dill!! I would have thrown a jar in and hoped it didn't break along the way. There were many more things that are not mentioned here. And of course she had a bib laid out, and a spoon, just for Lauren. It didn't occur to me, her mother, to bring those items. Of course.

(The spread: Look close - you can actually see my three bottles of water! Betty, I am not)

Lately it has been ocurring to me that these are the "building years." At some point in my life, I hope that I will be able to pack a perfec picnic basket. But right now, I'm teetering at the point of, "You're 30 years old, it's not about you anymore, wake up!! Become an adult, put on your big girl pants and deal." My late twenties were a flurry of changes. Met Ian, made Lauren, planned for Lauren, bought house, moved in together, hatched Lauren, survived the first year of motherhood - and somewhere thrown in there were - survive career in challenging corporate environment, become a stepmother, bond with stepchildren, support all of said people with challenging corporate job, balance being a working mother, and try to stay in love with Ian during a recession when we are flat broke and possibly enduring one of the most challenging times we will ever endure together, ever.

I'm not complaining; I'm one of those people that is happiest when I am the busiest and have lots of balls in the air. It's when those balls start coming down that things get a little hairy.  Lauren is no longer a baby, and I'm beginning to smell the taste of freedom that that brings. The "baby" fog has lifted - a fog because you know you're happy, but you can't really tie the happiness to why exactly, because it's freaking hard and you're exhausted and you have to buy formula that's $24 a can and breastfeed at the same time, and did I mention you're tired. All of that fog is gone now, and she's a beautiful toddling toddler. So there's that ball starting to come down. Second, Ian is starting to make money again. Like, kind of a lot of it. Now, we have "What do we do with this money?" kind of conversations, instead of "How are we going to buy diapers so we can keep the mortgage within 30 days current?" kind of conversations. It's nice, and we know it won't last forever, and it's a good problem to have, but it's just...very strange. So that ball is gone (for now.)

And last, but not least, there's My Career. That old thing, that at times over the past two years, was nothing but a necessary evil to pay the bills and keep diapers on Lauren. But I've been at my job for over three years. I have a few options within the company now. It feels good, and my rookie period is done. But there is that fear that when they call you up to the majors that you've spent so much time playing AAA ball that maybe you can't hang, maybe you need more time. However, you know that it's time to get off the porch and go run with the big dogs. And that's exciting, and I can't even imagine what it would be like to go to work and feel challenged and hopeful and exhilerated again. So there's that.

They say that your brain can have up to 60,000 thoughts a day. And lately, I've been thinking about all of these things, I would say, atleast 60,000 if not 600,000 times a day. And at times it feels overwhelming. But I am excited about all of these changes. I feel like there are many great things on the horizon, for me and my little family. And although I may forget a bib or a spoon, and I can't pack a picnic basket perfectly yet (I hold great amounts of hope that my cooking talents are laying dormant, but that they will surface at some point), I can lay my head down at night knowing that I loved my daughter with all of my heart and gave her all that I could. Not all mothers can say that, as I witnessed tonight.

So for tonight, even though those thoughts are swirling in my head, my heart will be happy, and hopeful. And that is a very good place to be.

♥ V :)

We are on our way to accomplish great things!

Mommy and Lauren day

Today was a wonderful day.

I started off my day with a baby shower at 10am, after driving through showers of rain to get there.  My friend Kasey is due September 30th, and today was her day to be showered.  Cupcakes, games, prayer, gifts, well wishes and friends - what a wonderful start to the weekend.

I arrived home to greet Lauren with kisses and hugs for the start of a mommy and sissy day.  Daddy headed off to play 18. I love these days! After lunch, juice, nap and mommy starting the laundry and cleaning, we headed off for a mini-adventure. A quick run to the pet store for Lauren to see the animals: birds, kitties, colorful fish. Then on to Michael's for crafts.

Back at home, Lauren and I listened to music (I don't like a lot of TV on our special days), played with books and dolls, folded laundry (and refolded and refolded after Lauren's "help"). I chased her up the stairs and through the house, to squeals and giggles.  We share snacks and treats.  She kicked back on the couch for a little Spongebob and milk - the equivalent of a toddler of kicking off her shoes after a long day of work.

On to dinner, bath and books, and then back up again for another hour when she wasn't tired enough to sleep. Finally she is down, and I go back in her room one last time, where I am surrounded by the sweet, soft smell of a clean, fresh baby in slumber. I cover her with her blanket, and leave her to her baby dreams. I don't know if babies dream, but I hope that her head is filled with peaceful, happy thoughts of our day together.

Today was a wonderful day!

P.S. Here are my latest felt treats I whipped up today. Look close, there's a whip stitch in there. :)

♥ V :)

Romantic Getaway Weekend Proposal!!!

Here I am, signing in for the first time as the future Mrs. Hancock!  As many of you know, Mr. Awesome proposed this past weekend in Michigan.  I'm wearing my beautiful, sparkly ring and I couldn't be happier. Although I must admit, in traditional fashion of our whole relationship, nothing ever seems to go as planned, and that's ok.

It was so nice to hit the open road Thursday for a road trip together.  Something about a road trip says summer, and exploration, and love.  We arrived in South Bend, hit a few local hot spots downtown, enjoyed live music, drinks, easy conversation. The next morning we drove around Notre Dame and Ian took in all the sights for his beloved Irish team. After a couple more hours, we were on the quaint streets of Grand Haven. We explored the new little town, and then got ready for a dinner out.

The restaurant, the Grand, was in an old movie theatre. It was literally, PERFECT. Old jazz playing, dim lights, and my drink was called Breakfast at Tiffany's. How much more perfect does it get? Our dinner was delicious in every sense of the word. It was a culinary experience. Mr. Awesome had obviously hit this one out of the park!

Of course, nothing is ever perfect. And I've learned to expect it and laugh at it. (Now, not so much then.) It's at about that point in the evening when BAM, my horrible heartburn that I suffered last year after Lauren was born decided to resurface. The kind that comes in waves and nothing gets rid of it. It was alarmingly awful. And the bubble that we were in...started to come down from the sky. After getting some drugs, and leaving my beautiful flaky white fish on the plate, along with half of my Holly Golightly drink, we went next door to the Theatre Bar.

Now, this was supposed to be a "jazz piano bar." But what ensued was most definitely NOT jazz piano. It was spastic one-man guitar playing classic rock request night.  I sipped my diet coke, and tried to dodge the drunken couple next to me.  Between their loud requests, drunken singing and makeout sessions, it was a challenge.

Obviously, this was not The Night.

Fastforward to the next morning. Ok, so we got a little off track. The sun will be out! We will go to the beach! I donned my beach attire. I SPF'd. And what do you know? I went down to the lobby, and what do I see, but rain drops and clouds instead of sunshine and rays.  Ok, now I was getting a little peeved. This was our Romantic Getaway Weekend! There are no clouds on This Weekend!

I got in to a bit of a funk after that. Michigan is wonderful, but Michigan while it's raining leaves a little to be desired. We drove to Holland. I bought Lauren expensive things. But when would Our Moment come?

Finally, after doing everything that we could think of to entertain ourselves, we took a nice evening stroll along the boardwalk.  We entered the pier, and the waves were crashing. The lighthouse was shrouded by big pink skies and white puffy clouds. And on the way back, Ian dropped to one knee. Only we will know what was said. It was Our Moment. And now we are engaged. ♥

My journey with Ian has not always been smooth sailing, from the very beginning. It has been challenging, and out of order, and all over the place. But he was there to hold my hand in the delivery room. He puts up with me and my moods, and I take him for all that he is as well, good and bad. This weekend was no different.  We came out on top, just like I pray that we always will.

♥ V :)

P.S. Thank God for I-phones! A total stranger walking by snapped this shot of Ian proposing, and emailed it to me on the spot. Can you believe that?!

Romantic Getaway Weekend ♥

Well, it's almost that time!  Almost time for Ian and I to begin what I have been calling our "Romantic Getaway Trip."  We are going to Grand Haven, Michigan for a long weekend, alone. Aloooooone. Ahhh. I just keep saying the word over and over again. Apparently, there is a beach with waves and everything less than 4 hours away! Who knew. I'm not sure why I have been paying $500 to fly to a beach in Florida in March when I could drive to one in July for the cost of a tank of gas. What's on tap for tonight is getting a hotel in South Bend. Ian is pumped to be right on Notre Dame's campus. I'm pumped to hit their little downtown area tonight. And I say "on tap" because I plan on finding a bar that college kids frequent and taking advantage of Thirsty Thusday! Yes I will feel old, and No, I don't care!

Here are my observations about our romantic getaway trip so far:

A three day weekend requires many, many outfits. Every outfit has to pass the "Does this look like a romantic getaway outfit?" I want people to say, "That girl looks like she is on a romantic getaway!" If the outfit doesn't meet those standards, then it can not be bought nor packed.

I could not go on a proper romantic getaway with my hair dyed from a box. That's right, I have full on shiny fresh HIGHLIGHTS! I have washed the recession out of my hair!

Even though I get ready at the gym at work multiple days a week, I somehow needed to buy miniature sizes of EVERYTHING. You would think that I was going to the jungle, with no CVS for miles and miles. I just can't pass up those adorable little mini bottles of face wash and lotion. They are only 99 cents!! I had to have them all.

I'm to the point in my life where I will buy a $9 swimsuit coverup, and a $10 piece of "lingerie" (I use the term lightly) at Walmart. I figure that people that shop at Walmart are probably demographically poorer and larger than the people that shop at Victoria's Secret. Therefore, that will make their slinky outfits smaller and cheaper, which makes me happy. :)

I can't wait for our getaway weekend! ♥

P.S. Chaffee, I hope your face has healed from your bout with poison ivy. Let's get together, yeah yeah yeah, next week before you leave me and I sink into a deep, dark depression.
P.P.S. Please no one rob our house while we are gone. Trust me, there's nothing in there you would want.
P.P.P.S. Check back Monday for an exciting post-romantic-getaway-trip post!! ;)

♥ V :)

Free Weekend

What a nice change this past weekend was; we had no plans and no place we had to be.  I still wanted to make the most of it, but I didn't know if we would or not...

Friday evening after work, I decided I wanted to paint the one remaining bathroom in the house that never got finished when we moved in.  It's small - how hard could it be, right? (All of the painting I have ever done has been on a whim, with a wirlwind trip to Home Depot.) I ran all over town, picking up items that I thought Audrey would like. Which, was hard, seeing as how she is NOT into pink/purple/princess notions.  Most eleven year old girls are, so my pickings were slim. BUT - one cannot go wrong at Target, and they had some things I put together that worked in the end.

With a toddler in the house, I had two options - stay up late painting, a little delirious from the long week, or do it the next day while she was mad I was ignoring her, trying to get into everything while Ian was wondering when I would be done and Come Watch Lauren.  So, option #1 seemed the only likely solution.  Once I got going, the painting went pretty smoothly. I did forget that you basically need to be a contortonist to paint BEHIND a toilet, and the paint was a BIT more big bird yellow than I would have liked, but I completed the job! Check that task OFF of the list!

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Fastforward to Sunday.  Saturday I pretty much spent recovering from painting until 1am (at the pool - thanks Mr. Awesome) and hanging out with Lauren. So, once we got going on Sunday, we got out of the house and were looking for an Adventure. Something Lauren and Olivia would like. We ended up deciding to go to Trader's Point Creamery, off of 86th street.  I thought, "This will be glorious! Lauren will pet the animals! We will spend time on a working farm as a family, showing our kids something new!" Well, we get there, and it was a big fat flop.  We couldn't find anyone that knew what was going on, they charged us $6.00 for a piece of paper for a self-guided "tour."  The stroller really couldn't go where we needed to go...so we just up and left. Ha! I'm very lucky to be with a man that has the patience for my adventures, when sometimes they turn out to be not what we hoped they would be.

I tried to salvage the day, with a trip to Michael's. We would have Craft Day instead of Farm Day. Olivia decided on felt crafts and moonsand.  Who knew - I ♥ felt crafts! I could do felt crafts all the day long. I made little felt hairbows for Lauren. And moonsand was pretty glorious as kids crap goes. We crafted until evening, and then Olivia and I did french manicures.

It was nice to meander through the weekend, doing whatever we wanted to do. I wish we had more of these unplanned family times together!

♥ V :)

Lovely, lazy summer...

Well, here we are in the middle of July, in the midst of some of the longest, laziest days of the year.  Things have slowed down around our household, due to the heat, and the kids still being out of school.  Mr. Awesome and I actually have an entire weekend on our hands with no plans! I quite frankly don't know what I will do with myself. We are excited and gearing up for our trip to Lake Michigan next weekend, but first we have two open-ended days in front of us.

Last weekend, I spent some time entertaining at my house for a jewelry party. I baked pretty pink cupcakes, dipped pretzels in pastel colored chocolates, made rice krispie treats, and yummy, home-made sangria, full of lemons, limes, oranges, and pineapple. I made my house sparkle for my guests, put on some nice music and dressed Lauren and I up in summery outfits for the party.  We had a lovely time!

Which leads me to this weekend, with no treats to bake or house to clean.  A few odd jobs here and there, but the majority of the time will be Lauren and Mommy time, as I told Ian to "get a hobby" and he actually...did. He has resumed playing golf. I love telling Lauren, "Daddy is out golfing." It has such a nice ring to it!

By this point in the summer, the temperates are sweltering, and I'm already looking forward to bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils for school, the first glimpse of the changing leaves and a chill in the air at night.  But I'm going to do my best to enjoy these long, hot days with no where to run and no place to be.  We might go to the Farmer's market for fresh flowers again, jog on the monon, hit the pool or go to the swings at the park.  Or we may do nothing at all! Everyone enjoy the weekend!

♥ V :)

Summer holiday

The summer night is like a perfection of thought. ~Wallace Stevens

Summer is in full swing...one of my favorite times of year. I love all the seasons for different reasons, but summer brings with it a different kind of ambiance...a time to slow down, to enjoy being outside.  The soundtrack to summer is filled with kids splashing, cicadas humming, and fireworks booming.  And those are some of my favorite sounds of the year.

We survived the 4th of July this year, and survive is putting it lightly.  It was a scorcher, one of the hottest I can ever remember.  Last year, Lauren was a baby, and I wasn't in to dragging her out into the elements.  So this year, Ian and I made up our minds that we WERE getting out of the house, no matter what it took.

My friends with small children and I all had similar conversations in anticipation of the holiday.  Holiday weekends with children are no joke - you better get your game face on.  "Holiday" doesn't mean actual "holiday" anymore - it means "a weekend filled with family making memories in which you are going to need another week to recover."

But on we pushed, in the hopes of making memories for our wee ones.  We heaved ourselves off of our couches, put plans into motion and hoped for the best.  Our plans involved Symphony on the Prairie and Carmelfest, tightly packed into an evening and the following morning, in the height of the summer heat.  I thought ahead to every possible thing on earth that could make our trips more enjoyable. Umbrellas for shading, bottles for spraying, snacks for eating, and drinks for drinking.  Nothing could be overlooked, or we would pay the price dearly!

All of the planning and prepwork ended up being worth it. Those moments I hoped for and envisioned actually happened. Lauren clapped for the fireworks, just as I had hoped that she would. It's not every day that you see your childs eyes light up with happiness after seeing fireworks for the first time in the night sky.  She danced happily to the bands at the parade the next morning, and got so excited at Carmelfest's petting zoo that she cried when we had to leave.  Her little outstretched hand petting the baby goat's rough coat made all of the preparation worth it. 

In those special snapshot moments, I forgot the heat, and my heart was full. I was thankful for the stars and stripes, my family, my daughter, for the break from routine and for the beautiful holiday weekend.

There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart. ~Celia Thaxter

♥V :)

Here we go...

Well, it's official.  We have entered a new phase in this household.  We have a Toddler who has learned to Act Out.

I have a good friend who just had a baby, days ago.  I read as she regaled her birth story, entering the ranks of motherhood.  Her badge is in place, earned by her physical pain to bring a human being out of the womb and on to this planet.  It took me back to over a year ago, when my own badge was earned as a mother.  But what you learn over time is that although you earn your "mother" wings early on, you don't really become a parent until you have as I said, a toddler officially acting out.

The scene of the crime was my parent's house, last Sunday, during a lovely dinner prepared by my mother, sister and I. The table linens were out, the gifts were lined up for Father's Day, and we were enjoying the delicious spread.  Well, actually, I was half-shoveling bites of food into my mouth as I tried to also shovel food onto and/or around and in the vicinity of Lauren's high chair. But I was not feeding her fast enough. I was like a circus bear, not pleasing the ring master. And who was the master? Lauren, Queen of the Punkies. Grunting, pointing and general disarray quickly led to her throwing food, pulling it out of her mouth and her being dismissed from the table. The dismissal was not before I uttered some very parental words: "If you can't appreciate this food that we took time to prepare, then you are done! You are going to get down...and...play!" She retreated with pleasure, quickly grabbing her toys and making sure that I knew she was MORE than happy to play, away from her mother.  Oh God, it's happening. Next thing you know I'll be saying, "There are starving children in China and you WILL finish your dinner!" 

What happened next was maybe the single most terrifying and hysterical event of Lauren's childhood, to me. She crawled up into Grandpa's lap, one chair over from me.  She looked sideways at me, and babbled in her baby voice, "Diedle diedle diedle!!!" And she SHOOK HER FINGER AT ME. OMG. Oh no, she DIDN'T.

Here we go, I suppose. It's on. Good bye, wonderful one.  Hello, terrible two's.

Let the parenting begin.

♥ V :)

Another week is upon us...

"To follow your life's guidance, you may have to reassign some seemingly important things to 'unimportant.' If you believe that pleasing your horrible boss or having a spotless house is a higher priority than playing with your children or sleeping off the flu, be prepared for a long and strenuous battle against destiny.  Also, be prepared to lose."

~Martha Beck, life coach

♥ V :)

Keepin it real: Fabulosity!

There has been some major fabulosity going on at my house. MAJOR. Because you know why? My mother is out for summer break from teaching. The first Friday she was off, she swooped in like the magical fairy godmother, whipping this place into shape. I mean, seriously fabulous things are going on here.  This has been going on for two weeks. I haven't even been able to blog much because I'm enjoying having all of this fabulous time to do fabulous things.  Because not only has my mom been watching Lauren, she takes her home for days on end to do fun grandmotherly type things with my dad. And that's why I titled this blog "Keepin it Real." Yes, I love being a mother and doing motherly things. But when summer break comes, I lay my apron down (yeah right) and I have time to do things that I enjoy. Things that I used to do. Happy mommy, happy baby, this is what I say. :)

But back to my mother.  You have to understand that my mother is Martha Stewart.  I come home from work and she says things like, "Oooh, I hope I didn't trim those bushes too short. Do you like them??" Ummm, seeing as how I don't own a bush trimming apparatus and I have never really even glanced at said bushes, yes, they are probably fine. She does things like, clean out under my sink. Clean my oven. Clean out the fridge. Organize my dish towels, by holiday. All while watching a one year old. She told Ian last night, "Lauren and I took a two hour walk today." We laughed hysterically. TWO HOURS? Dear God! How does she do it all?? Who takes two hour walks? We told her she needed to sit down and watch the View, but that really isn't her style.

Now back to me. Back to the Fabulosity that has been going on over the last two weeks. Like I said, I've laid my apron down for the time being. I've done things like, watch a movie on a week night, in an actual theatre.  Then I went out for drinks afterwards with Chaffee, and stayed out til midnight. Midnight! On a work night! Then Ian and I had a fabulous day together last Saturday. Just out all day together, starting with breakfast, until 1 in the morning. We wined and dined ourselves into oblivion. Last night I spent an hour browsing at Target. My mom called me because they took Lauren to my home town fair to see the animals. She said, "Lauren touched a horse's nose! And she heard a pig snort, and she saw a lama." I'm glad my sissy is having fun, and so am I.

I love that Lauren is spending time with her grandparents. And I love this free time. But I do miss my baby. I guess I just can't wait until my little lama is home with her mama.

♥ V :)

Heavy hearts

I have been reminded several times in the past few days of how short life can be, by an unfortunate amount of deaths that have recently occurred. Strange, bizarre situations. All of them different, but all resulting in the same end: loved ones left behind, mourning. It almost feels like the law of attraction, working at its worst - you hear of one bad thing, and suddenly there is another, before you can even process the first bad thing.

I didn't know most of these people directly, but the bizareness of the situations have made people stop, talk about them, and wonder about how the families are surviving. I put myself in their shoes. I think about the ones left behind. I feel sadness, and I have questions, and my heart is heavy with the unfortunateness of each individual scenario.

I have always felt that the other side is really quite close to us, that if we just listen and feel, we are closer than we can imagine to that other stratosphere. I imagine that there is a thin veil seperating us from the other side of this life. I believe everything happens for a reason. I don't believe in coincidence. And I believe that the ones we have loved and lost are so, so close to us.

I have had too many instances in my life than to think any other way. My grandmother died when I was 12 years old. It was the single most horrible event of my life, even 18 years later. But I believe 100% and I have no doubt, that I connected with her and my grandfather through the help of a psychic. Once you have experienced what I have experienced, there is no going back. You know. They are there, right beside us, guiding us and helping us.

In these difficult times, I pray for peace for those that are hurting. I pray that whatever they believe in as being true and right and pure in this world, they can connect with it and use it to be strong and also come to terms with what has happened.

"There is a right time for everything:

A time to be born;
A time to die;
A time to plant;
A time to harvest;
A time to kill;
A time to heal;
A time to destroy;
A time to rebuild;
A time to cry;
A time to laugh;
A time to grieve;
A time to dance."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

~V

65th Anniversary

I sit here tonight, with colored index cards littered around me, in preparation for the toast I am giving tomorrow at my Grandparent's 65th surprise Anniversary party. I was honored when weeks ago, my mom asked me to write a special poem and toast to read in their honor. I enjoy these kinds of things. I wrote a poem to go along with my speech for my sister's wedding toast when I was her maid of honor.  I love writing, and I love when writing something special can make someone feel honored on an important day in their life.

So my mother and I have been emailing back and forth to each other all of those, "Remember when..." type of things you remember from growing up, so I can use them in my speech. It is funny to think of my mother having a childhood, before she was my mother. It is funny to think of my grandparents as being parents, before they were my grandma and grandpa.  It is even weirder to think of myself as a parent, and not only as a child and a grandchild, and that now I have added another generation to this every growing chain of four generations in my family.

In life, we seem only to be given many good things, but maybe not all of them. I was lucky enough to be given a wonderful family.  My grandparents got married on June 6, 1945.  The family started with two people, on that day. Two farm kids that lived through the depression, who got married when my Grandpa was on leave from the Navy.  Back when a man was a man, and worked with his hands and a woman was a woman, who's role was to work in the home, and raise the children.

So much has changed since that time.  Ian and I live together, but we aren't married. For the last two years, up until recently, my job has supported us while I go to work in corporate America. There were months at a time when Ian would stay home with the kids, watching Lauren all day and helping Audrey with her homework when she got off of the bus.  He still does all of the cooking, and always will.  It makes me wonder, what else will have chaged by the time my Lauren decides to get married? How will it be for her?

For as much as times have changed, I realized by writing this speech what has stayed the same: no matter how it gets done, people want the best for their kids. They want them to have a happy childhood, to have trips to remember and traditions that they upheld. My mom has so many fond memories of her childhood. Trips to Niagara Falls, Chicago, camping, learning to ice skate, riding ponies.  I realize that Ian and I are doing the exact same things that my grandparents did: trying to give our kids the best childhood that we can, through trips to Disney World and Kentucky Lake and mini-adventures of ice skating and whatever else we dream up and can afford at the same time.

All I know is that I am thankful that God gave me a partner to go through this life with: a good man that wants the best for his kids. I had to look a little further than my grandparents did. They went to the same school growing up. Let's just say I had to kiss a few more frogs to find my prince than grandma did. But I found him. That's all that matters. If we have half the marriage that my grandparents have had, we will have been more than lucky.

♥ V :)

Holiday

The stars aligned on this holiday weekend.  We have no children under our roof...atleast until Sunday. 

With our own child, and with Ian's children, schedules must be orchestrated weeks in advance.  There is always something that comes up. A change. But on this weekend, his girls are swimming happily at Lake Kentucky with nana and papa, and my parents' wish was fulfilled to have their only little granddaughter for a couple of nights. I know that at grandma and grandpa's she is treated like a petite princess. Let's just say I don't worry about her at all, and that every need and wish her little toddler heart has is met and fulfilled.

Which brings me back to the fact, that we have no kids, on this holiday weekend, for the moment.

First order of business on the few times a year that we have no children, is without a doubt, SLEEP. I find myself teetering on the edge of exhaustion daily. I use cheap tricks to get through the day...coffee, metabolism boosting energy pills, working out for that rush of endorphins. Anything to get through the day. Which is why I promptly came home Friday night, and fell asleep for atleast 3 hours.  I used to take these naps, BC (before children), to prepare for a night out and a weekend with a fully planned social schedule. Now? The sleep, is enough. Even with my nap, I don't wake up until 11am the next day. It felt strange, and I woke in a trance, from strange dreams and heavy from sleep.

I realize that with children in the house, I am perpetually on the treadmill, of our little life. There is always something to do, to fix, to clean, to prepare, to plan for.  I've realized that if I didn't have these little people to care for, I would get very little done. However, it feels nice to stop; pause; and for atleast a day or two, get a break from it all.  Share some time with Ian. With my thoughts. Linger in my dreams in a long night's sleep, and ignore it all.

Thank God above for grandparents, holidays and rest. We are very blessed. ♥ V :)