Lifestyle Creep

While reading a financial blog I follow today, I came across a really interesting term I had never heard before: lifestyle creep.  It means that basically, over time, we get used to certain things, they become a necessity to us, and we can't live without them. (Or atleast we think we can't!) This can apply to anything - having a dishwasher. A nice car. Cable TV...

And a good job. One that makes you feel successful and uses your experience. This article really struck home with me, because I was discussing with a friend basically this exact problem just last night.  As in - once you reach a certain point in your professional life, could you ever go back to where you were before? Or do something totally "beneath you" just to make ends meet?

We have been struck with this in our household for almost two years. We're victims of the mortgage crisis. I say "we" because since we have a child together, co-parent his daughters, and live together, it affects me every day as well. Kids are expensive - duh. Kids don't care that daddy isn't working because they still want an Easter basket. I'm not complaining because we are making it. (I thank my guardian angels for this many days.) But it is an interesting question that people vary greatly in their opinions on. It seems people have a black and white way of thinking on this. And even though it might help out a little financially - my thought is this: I don't want Ian working at Walmart. I just don't.  He has ten years of experience in his field, is great at what he does, and I'm sorry, the thought of him saying "Do you want paper or plastic?" or "Do you want fries with that?" just literally breaks my heart.  So we have never "gone there."  I don't want him feeling like he has to get up and go to Walmart every day. I would rather sacrifice and have our family time together and just let this economy turn itself around and when it does, we will get back on track as a two income household.

I've asked myself the same question, seeing Ian face what he has. Could I go back to waitressing? Cleaning up after people and getting my hands dirty and getting crappy tips to pay the bills?  Could I go back to the bank and be a teller and have old people yell at me because they are confused and listen to elevator music all day?  I've come to this conclusion: If it meant putting food on the table for Lauren, I could.  I could do anything if it came to that.

I've tried to avoid lifestyle creep in my own little ways.  I make myself drive old Bonnie, because I know if I ever walked onto a car lot and smelled that new car smell, I would be a gonner.  Beam me up Scotty, I would want the newest, shiniest car on the lot. I don't have an Ipod, never have. Those Apple people suck you in and it's over!  Suddenly you have to HAVE TO have this little rectangle music playing box EVERYWHERE you go - your car, next to your alarm clock, at work, at the gym. I've chosen not to partake because I've seen what this addiction can do. I have an ex who literally went to the Apple store almost every paycheck! Same with cell phones - no I-phone or Blackberry for me.  Upgrades after two years and two years only.

I'm turning 30 this weekend, and this has just gotten me thinking...I'm happy where I'm at, with who I'm with and that's all that matters.
$$ ♥ V :)

Kendra

Ok, I know I write a lot about reality TV on here and this probably makes me look vapid and dull and shallow. But, I just can't resist a good reality show! Try as I may, I cannot pull myself away.  The Kardashians. Real World. Yes, I still watch Real World, I know, I know.  One of my latest obsessions is Kendra on E!.  Because of course I followed her entire "career" (uh-hum, if you want to call it that) on The Girls Next Door.  I don't really know why I watched it as I'm not really sure how I feel about an 80 year old plus man having multiple girlfriends who he basically pays to date him and also supports financially in a creepy father-like way. But whatever, I'm addicted, I'm a fan; moving on to Kendra's new show.

So I was up last night at midnight and caught the latest episode while folding laundry and staying up too late.  What I found fascinating was the way they portrayed Kendra's battle to lose the baby bulge after her baby Hank jr. was born.  She was at the gym, and the trainer asked her how much she weighed.  The answer was 144 pounds.  Ok, so basically I'm in that general vicinity give or take a couple of pounds.  What makes me sad is that Hollywood basically considers that obese and reason to diet, diet, diet.  I think that is a pretty reasonable weight. It's funny how you look at it: what if I got up tomorrow and decided I was obese and crazy crash dieted to lose 20 pounds? Where as now, I'm pretty ok with where I'm at.  I have Faced Facts that I'm a Mom and this is about as Good As it Gets.  I go to the gym about 4 days a week at lunch, bring a big bag of salad with me on Monday to last for the week, eat string cheese for breakfast and have whatever Ian cooks for dinner.  I find if I can't have a drink with Ian and a treat after the kids are in bed, life gets pretty bleak, so I am willing to allow myself this most days. How I love a sweet treat as a reward for another day done!

I have to accept that I work and don't have a trainer and I am probably not going to lose 20 pounds, maybe ever.  But oh, to be a bunny!

Spring Break :)

I have returned home from my trip to the beach. And what a trip it was.  It was a big, beautiful week full of fun and sunshine and happiness and love!

My family first started traveling to Fort Myers fifteen years ago.  I was fourteen or so, awkward, with big hair and bangs and a tye dye bikini. We drove the 18 hours as a family down to the beach. It was all new and exciting. We've kept going back ever since.  I haven't been every year, and I've been with different people and stayed different places. My five best friends and I were together senior year. Sneaking alcohol and out on the beach late at night with a group of Indiana high school guys out for similar adventures.  My sophomore year at IU, took a trip with two of my same besties and other college friends to stay at the Lanai Kai, "Heaven by the Sea." (If Heaven is sticky and smells like vomit, I will be very disappointed.) We slept horizontally in the beds, baked in our bikinis all day and tried to avoid the excise cops at night.  After college, three girlfriends and I went again.  We were single, working girls, a little jaded and over the booze but had just as much fun as ever. Since then I've even went with my mom and her friends. It was before I had Lauren and after I had just met Ian. A lot has changed since then.

This was the first trip trip taking Lauren to the beach. It was very special to me. I love the beach just about more than anything in life. I am a worshipper of the sun, always have been. (I say, take me to the grave with a tan and I"ll be happy.) I dressed baby Lauren in her baby girl swimsuits and let her play in the sand.  I feel it, she loves it just like me! I put her in the sand by the waves, and I had to stop her from crawling out to sea. I swear she would have dove into the waves headfirst if I hadn't stopped her! She was fearless! It was fun to see my happy girl playing like that.  (However, there was a moment where I was pushing her stroller down the beach and I briefly wanted to shoot myself. Um, let's just say that pushing a sandy stroller while twenty year old girls that weigh one hundred pounds are laying out  all around me I had a real, "Wow, this is my life now?" kind of moment. It was sobering to say the least.)

The trip was even better than I imagined...full of early morning coffee with my mom, dad and sister, long runs on the beach in the morning, our afternoon drink every day on the beach, special time with my sissy and fun dinners with everyone enjoying seafood and more drinks. I really couldn't have asked for anything more. It's back to the grind for now, but it's fun to escape for a week with the ones you love to play in the sun. I already can't wait for the next trip!

♥ V :)

Gone to the beach!

I'm headed out today and will be back next weekend!  I hope I have many deliciously beachy things to write about when I return. :)

Love you Ian, hold down the fort until baby and I return...♥ V :)

Up in the Air

Ian surprised me last week by renting a movie I was dying to see: Up in the Air.  I've been having an affair at the cinema with George Clooney for many years now.  We met in the ER in 1994.  We had One Fine Day in 1996, and we were Out of Sight in 1998. It's been a love affair ever since.

I love this story, and it takes me back to a time three years ago when I lived a different life: out of a suitcase half of the time, just like Natalie Keener, the young professional with a tight ponytail, collared shirt and her laptop permanently out. I laughed out loud at her character so many times, as I can relate to her life. However, it also made me remember how it felt to feel so up in the air, so lost, so alone. 

Not that I didn't love many of my moments of travel.  High heels clicking in the airport with a blowout, a sense of purpose.  The occasional upgrade to first class with elite status. Keys already in the car, no waiting at the Avis counter for me! I'm a preferred wizard!  Sliding into clean, crisp hotel sheets and treating myself to room service with my per diem spent all in one meal.  Eating dinner out on the company with my shiny green American Express.  Hitting the shopping malls in cities all across the country.  Houston. Los Angeles. Seattle. A room on the bay in Washington, a room on the river in Jacksonvile. I was literally tied to no one. I was free and single and young (ish).

Then there were the not so fun moments of travel. In that same room in Jacksonville entered a lizard, who spent the night with me, as there was no one after 5pm to remove him from the inn where I was staying.  Those same rental cars from Avis - can actually break down twice in the same day. TWICE!!  Two times!! Back from the mall of America in Minneapolis, interstates can be closed down. WHOLE interstates. Just closed.  Don't even get me started on lost luggage. Try meeting a staff of people when you only had the items in your carry on to get ready for the day. Flight delays. Midnight returns on Friday night. Returning to no one that really missed you, and an empty, dark apartment.

At the time when I lived that life, the road to having a family seemed so far away. It seemed like I would never find my way.  But I found it. Or rather, it found me. My family arrived a little later than I would have liked, but the delay made me who I am now.  I have a little extra baggage, but nothing that I can't carry.  Room service and dinners out have been replaced by home cooking every night by my chef, my co-pilot.  I'm flying high now, filled with love for my daughter and my family, with four passengers next to me all on the road to the same destination.

♥ V :)

Showers

I found myself at a time honored tradition for my dear friend Amanda yesterday: the bridal shower. The shower of gifts for the start of a new life together...bowls, choppers, towels. It is amazing how many types of bowls one needs to properly start her married life. Salad bowls. Mixing bowls. Serving bowls.

I used to really hate these damn parties. I mean, despise would be a better word.  In my early twenties (who am I kidding: into my mid-twenties) they were a constant reminder that I was very much single.  How wonderful - yet another friend found her soul mate. Juuuust great. I still lived with my cat, and was married to my job.

I still find these parties a bit bizarre, I can't lie. (Men don't shower each other.  Why don't they get to register at hardware stores and get new underwear?) However now, I don't hate bridal showers.  I appreciate that people take time to celebrate the person for their day - everyone needs a day. Or two, or three. Instead of dragging myself hungover to some faraway town with a gift that I bought on my credit card and really couldn't afford, I now relish the chance to wear makeup and put on non-work clothes and see my old friends.  And the chance to see my friends sans kids is pretty freaking great. We discuss how we escaped, and for how long, with devilish grins on our faces.  Pretty soon the cell phones come out to check in, and the toddlers that ARE there start acting up.  Like the clock striking midnight for Cinderella, the fun always ends sooner than we would have liked.

I think however, that these parties make me sad in a way.  I truly feel that the binds of marriage stop the girlish talks of our youths.  Point being, once the ring is on and the vows have been taken, it seems wrong to ask how the marriage is going.  Inappropriate. Rude almost. But I WANT to know these things about my friends. Are they happy? Are they fulfilled? Did they make the right choice?  Does he scratch your back and you scratch his...does he meet you half way, or is he a royal pain in your ass.  If they could go back, would they do it all over again...before the kids came and the mortgage and the joint retirement savings and the routine of family life.

I think I have the solution to this problem.  We should throw showers after the marriage has already lasted a while. How great would it be to celebrate five years of marriage? Ten, fifteen.  Slap your friend on the back, pump her up, give her suggestions to fix the problems they already have.  People envision their wedding day and baby showers, why not look forward to getting another set of bowls to replace the ones that have already cracked and broken, along the way.

♥ V :)

:: Friday Favorites ::: Springtime::

Brightly colored Peeps :: Blue :: pink :: yellow

Spring Break :: getting a tan :: new flip flops :: smell of the ocean

Sweet tarts Jelly Beens :: my candy heaven

City Market Downtown :: fresh flowers and live music

Sitting outside in the sun on Monument Circle :: reading a book

Monon Trail :: First jog of the year

Trips to Mass Ave :: Silver in the City :: Nurture :: Old Pro's Tavern

Running on the canal :: downtown

Easter eggs :: dying :: decorating :: hiding

Our girls in Easter dresses :: with white satin sashes

My birthday :: cards in the mail :: dinners out :: treats and treasures

Sitting outside with Ian :: our porch :: cold drinks on a warm night

Grilling out :: hamburgers :: screen door open :: kids playing in the yard

♥ V :)

Spring!

Ahhh, Spring is almost here, that delicious time of year when we poke our heads out of our dwellings and smell the crisp, wamer air! Do I dare hope that warmer days are coming? March is here. With it will come St. Patrick's Day. I love the green, green, green everywhere...green grass, green shamrocks, green in my pocket getting ready for Spring Break! And I love how the morning looks when I leave for work now...purple and pink and sunlight everywhere.


"It's spring fever.  That is what the name of it is.  And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!"  ~Mark Twain

"No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow."  ~Proverb

"The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring."  ~Bern Williams

"It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold:  when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade."  ~Charles Dickens
 
♥ V :)

It is Friday and I am at work as usual, but my head and heart are far away, remembering another time and place. My college roommates and I are planning our annual reunion trip to Bloomington!

The five of us met up in the dorms at Wright in 1998 - two friends from the suburbs of Chicago, two friends from small town Indiana, and one, with a cute southern accent, from Louisville, Kentucky. Even though we had different backgrounds, we all became good friends. After freshman year, we moved to 546 Hoosier Courts on Kinser Pike. There happened to be an apartment full of guys next door, and neighbor wars of the best kind ensued. Sitting on our porches, hanging out, drinking games with our new friends, parties where we literally took out ALL THE FURNTIURE and charged covers with kegs...those were some carefree times, some of the happiest of my four years in our beautiful town. Senior year, we moved to the "barn house" right next to the football stadium. It was in walking distance to basketball and football games (we all had season tickets to both) and Kilroy's corn dogs and waffle cut fries.

We now live in San Francisco, Chicago, Indianapolis, Louisville and Lafayette. It isn't easy, but we've managed to make trips to each others weddings and have reunion trips every year. We've had beautiful summer weekends in Chicago...for the 4th of July, Cubs games, going out on the gold coast. We've made Napa Valley and San Francisco trips complete with trolleys, wine tasting and bar hopping. And of course tailgating in Bloomington, dinners out, hitting Sports, the Upstairs and Kilroys, long after we were actually students.

We have families now, but we are still making the commitment to get together. I look forward to these reunions so much. A weekend with good friends means more and more the older I get. This year, it's September in Bloomington. I'm already dreaming of walking on Kirkwood with Ian hand in hand, wearing red to tailgate for the football game with a cold drink (or 2...or 5), and heading out on the town for a night with my girls and their guys!
 
♥ V :)