Showers

I found myself at a time honored tradition for my dear friend Amanda yesterday: the bridal shower. The shower of gifts for the start of a new life together...bowls, choppers, towels. It is amazing how many types of bowls one needs to properly start her married life. Salad bowls. Mixing bowls. Serving bowls.

I used to really hate these damn parties. I mean, despise would be a better word.  In my early twenties (who am I kidding: into my mid-twenties) they were a constant reminder that I was very much single.  How wonderful - yet another friend found her soul mate. Juuuust great. I still lived with my cat, and was married to my job.

I still find these parties a bit bizarre, I can't lie. (Men don't shower each other.  Why don't they get to register at hardware stores and get new underwear?) However now, I don't hate bridal showers.  I appreciate that people take time to celebrate the person for their day - everyone needs a day. Or two, or three. Instead of dragging myself hungover to some faraway town with a gift that I bought on my credit card and really couldn't afford, I now relish the chance to wear makeup and put on non-work clothes and see my old friends.  And the chance to see my friends sans kids is pretty freaking great. We discuss how we escaped, and for how long, with devilish grins on our faces.  Pretty soon the cell phones come out to check in, and the toddlers that ARE there start acting up.  Like the clock striking midnight for Cinderella, the fun always ends sooner than we would have liked.

I think however, that these parties make me sad in a way.  I truly feel that the binds of marriage stop the girlish talks of our youths.  Point being, once the ring is on and the vows have been taken, it seems wrong to ask how the marriage is going.  Inappropriate. Rude almost. But I WANT to know these things about my friends. Are they happy? Are they fulfilled? Did they make the right choice?  Does he scratch your back and you scratch his...does he meet you half way, or is he a royal pain in your ass.  If they could go back, would they do it all over again...before the kids came and the mortgage and the joint retirement savings and the routine of family life.

I think I have the solution to this problem.  We should throw showers after the marriage has already lasted a while. How great would it be to celebrate five years of marriage? Ten, fifteen.  Slap your friend on the back, pump her up, give her suggestions to fix the problems they already have.  People envision their wedding day and baby showers, why not look forward to getting another set of bowls to replace the ones that have already cracked and broken, along the way.

♥ V :)