Reviews, running and writing...

I turned in my performance review at work this week. Holy God, that is a stressful process. I think I had a good year, so that's encouraging. But why is it in hindsight, you always see all of the things you should have been doing to suck up all year long? I went down the list of criteria for each category, and read things like, "Lets managers know of free time." Ha! Hahaha! Not so much. I spent horrid days in public accounting going around to the managers office after a grueling 12 hour day, praying to the gods that they would say they didn't have any more work so I could escape. I think I am scarred from those days. So No, now that I'm 30 years old and I have a beautiful baby to get home to, I'm not letting them know of any "free" time that I have. But whatever. It is done, over with, and my part is completed for another year. Now the waiting begins for their assessments and rankings. What a strange little process it is...

"I fear only God. I don't fear any human. When you have that kind of spirit, you can just do what you have to do. Let it roll." ~Stevie Wonder, singer

"I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: Try to please everybody." ~Herbert Swope, journalist

"I've never done anything for the sake of ambition that I regret...Ambition can look very good on some women.  If you find the world hates you for it, then sure, stop raising your hand in class - but be sure to get the A anyway. ~Joni Evans, literary agent

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Lauren and I successfully took out her "new" (to us, but lightly used) jogging stroller this past week. I have mentioned to some of you that I may or may not have jogged behind Lauren's regular travel stroller. I am not proud of this fact, and yes, Ian has told me I am ridiculous! So this led me to the jogging stroller that we now possess.  I lugged the thing into my car, which was a process into itself. I parked near the monon. I lugged it out, and strapped sissy in. (I was already mildly exhausted at this point. But I pushed on.) We maneuvered it successfully on to the trail. And oh, how worth it it was!

I love the monon trail and jogging beneath the beautiful green canopy of trees. I have pounded many a mile out, on beautiful Sunday evenings or Saturday mornings, beneath glowing pinkish skies and fluffy cotton candy clouds. It is my happy place. I find it it therapeutic and rejuvinating and soothing to my soul. As the bikers whoosh by and the dogs strut with their owners behind them, I get into a rhythm and my mind is quieted. So I was excited to experience this with my daughter, together.

Lauren was a trooper and she loved it! She eagerly leaned forward in her seat, and clapped for all of the doggies. She shouted and babbled and laughed at hearing her voice outside. The green leaves sheltered us, and we made our way for three miles. I ran my familiar bridge just south of 146th street, except this time I did it while pushing about 50 pounds of baby and stroller in front of me. Like many things that come from having a child, it was more challenging, but it was also more rewarding. I was thankful for my health, and my daughter, as we spent special time together. I thought about and hoped that she would somehow remember our first run together. I hoped she would think that her mother was strong, and happy, and protecting her, because I was. I look forward to many more runs with my sissy. ♥

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I'm thinking of taking a class this summer, to learn calligraphy.  I am so stoked. I have been trying to take this class since last year, but the times and timing have been wrong. Finally there is a 6:30-9:30pm class in Broad Ripple at the Arts Center on Wednesday nights.  It's eight weeks long, and it will be challenging to juggle and shift things around to complete it. But Ian supports me in doing it, and I'm excited to learn something new.

Lauren is over fifteen months old now.  I feel like I need something for me, something that's just my time. I love our nighttime ritual of dinner, bath and books together, but there are some nights I'm just so physically and mentally exhausted trying to get through it that I think I might just collapse. (It's at this point, as I'm draining the bath water out when sissy is in bed and thinking about a glass of wine, that I literally cannot fathom the idea of having more than one small child. How do people do it?) I have always wanted to do it every night by myself. I believe strongly in routine, and consistency for Lauren. I think it makes her feel safe, and secure. And she is a dream to put down to bed when she visits family because of this. (I don't know anyone that bathes their kid every night, and this is part of the exhaustion. But if she is anything like me, we like to be CLEAN! I just can't stand the idea of putting her down to bed without a cool, refreshing bath. Plus, babies literally crawl around on the floor every day. The floor. And they wear diapers. SICK.)

I'm excited and hopeful that it is going to work out this time. Then I will be well on my way to making extra money, having a baby free night, and gaining a new skill and a little sanity at the same time!

♥ V :)