Strange week

This has been a very strange week. Out of the ordinary. Wednesday I decided that I could no longer take this back pain another minute. So I made a doctor appointment for the afternoon, and left work at 1:45. Whenever I leave work early, I find it so odd to be out amongst people that are not working. All of these things are going on every day, I think, while you are tucked away in your cubicle. Why are these people not working? I run down the list of who they could be...stay at home moms, those that are retired, students in college...but it always seems like it doesn't add up. How can there be THAT many people not at work?  Mostly I think how did they get so lucky, and I'm stuck working for the man?

###

It always feels odd to have time to actually run an errand, and not be running while I'm doing it. Someone should tell you that when you become a mother "running errands" becomes as tricky as pulling off a heist, I would imagine. Either A. you have to BRING the kids, which is cute for about 5 minutes and then it's a train wreck, or B. You have free time and you're not spending it with the kids, so you instantly feel guilty. They should hand you a packet to take home with the baby and call it, "How to fit all of the things you used to do in your previous life into your new life with a child." Let me tell you, there isn't a lot of time for browsing at Sephora or Target. No-sir-ee. It's get in, get out, and God help ANYONE that gets in my way!

###

I had the strangest encounter at Nordstrom today. I ran over at lunch to try and get some foundation to wear for Chaffee's wedding. I had heard good things from my sister about some MAC foundation. Ordinarily I'm a tinted moisturizer girl, but for special occasions, you have to pull out the big guns. Soooo, I stroll on over to MAC, and what do I see, but a man wearing makeup, selling the makeup. There was just no other way to describe this than incredibly odd. Is this really going on? I mean, I can understand an artistic guy that wants to put makeup on women. Fine. But wearing the makeup? He had stubble under his foundation. I couldn't stop staring at it. That, and his lipstick. And everything he was saying about the products started with, "When I wear this....". Then he talked about what he was buying his mother for Mother's day. There is some lady out there whose son wears makeup and works at MAC! I mean, imagine if that were you! I know, I know, this is probably un-PC of me to talk about. But I guess I just couldn't get over the fact that a man was wearing a full face of makeup in the light of day.

I guess it's just been a strange week. The fact that I'm downing muscle relaxers and vicodin, and still getting no sleep at night has put me in a strange trance. But sometimes strange is nice I guess, because it's better than the same old thing.

(However, with Mother's day right around the corner, I know I am not going to be getting that strange makeup wearing man's mom out of my mind any time soon. Yikes!)

♥ V :)

Loveable, laughing Lauren

Lauren has been too adorable for words lately. (Well, not too adorable to try and explain it in words, because that's what I'm doing here, but you know what I mean. :) Every day, Sissy does something new or funny or just different than she did it the day before. I find that even if it's something difficult or "bad" I don't even care! I just love seeing her change, right before my eyes.

Like this weekend, I got the bright idea to give her little pigtails. I picked up some teeny tiny rubberbands with pretty butterflies at Claire's. Instantly, she is a Big Girl with her pigtails! Oh the joy of seeing your little girl with big girl hair. And let me tell you, Sissy has some BIG hair. Some days, I feel like I somehow gave birth to little orphan Annie. People comment on her hair all the time, and I'm noooot so sure it's always in admiration, but instead more in shock and awe of her crazy, curly mop of hair. But obviously since I'm her mother, I think it's just the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on!

And yesterday, I got to see her ride in her big pink car at her Nanna and Pappa's. I have been hearing about this car for over a week. It is quite a sight. Picture a massive amount of pink and purple plastic, complete with a steering wheel, and a HORN. That is right, it is complete with a honkable horn, and Lauren loves to honk that horn with reckless abandon. And this thing has a seatbelt! I mean, it is just the most adorable, ridiculous thing in the world! Here she is, with her seat belt on, hitting the horn riding in her pink car, steeling glances up at me to make sure I am watching her and she's so proud. I still can't get over the fact that she is no longer just Existing. She is big. And does things like play in cars and honk horns.

And last night, getting her ready for bed, was the moment that stole my heart for the day. She was on the changing table, being a silly girl, doing her big baby laugh over and over.  She thinks she is so funny, she's cracking herself up. She was wacking her box of wipes with her legs, and pulling her pj's over her head, and I was smothering her in baby kisses and we were laughing together. And I distinctly remember thinking, this is the best moment of my day. This moment makes up for the one hour and five minute commute downtown. It makes up for running in circles for my boss all morning. It makes up for all of the  annoying, long winded people I have to encounter that suck the life out of me all day long. In that one moment, it was all somehow OK, because I had my Lauren, and she was happy, and we were laughing together.

I love my big girl, and I can't wait for many more moments laughing together.

♥ V :)

Realization

This morning I had an amazing realization.  I felt like the women of my past were whispering it to me. Or maybe, screaming.

Honey, if you want any time for yourself?  The only place you're going to find it is in the early am hours with the man and kids in bed.

Ha! Why have I not figured this out before! I think back to my childhood now. Yes, it's there...my mother was always getting up early! Hours before us!  Was she *gasp* trying to make time for herself?? No, it can't be!! But there it is - that realization that now you're in a new place, a new stage, and instead of only having parents, you ARE a parent. 

I just rolled over at 6:45am on this Saturday, and I did a strange thing.  I got out of bed. A little part of me died (I kid). Last night's supper dishes were waiting for me, the cat had attacked the meat loaf, and things were in general disarray. But now, the dishes are cleaning themselves in that glorious machine we call a dishwasher, the counters are wiped down, I have a candle lit smelling my house with wonderful aromas, and my coffee is brewing. It is my own little piece of personal heaven.

But first we have to go back to last night, and remember the level of chaos, to truly enjoy this moment. There was no specific chaos, just the kind of chaos with 4 kids on a Friday night. (Ok, I just typed 4, and there are only 3. Dear God, I can't keep them all straight!! Must mean I sort of count Ian as a kiddo...?) After a long work week, stopping on the way home to pick up milk for the baby (always with the milk!!) and groceries for the weekend so we don't all eat peanuts and odds and ends from the cabinets. No, some waffles and watermelon would be nice. Walk in the house - the baby needs a teething biscuit, and Ian's girls are full of stories and energy.  I can tell by Ian's face he's as wiped out as I am, and we are in Survival Mode.  That is the mode I can only describe as, "I love my kids, I feel like a bus hit me, I'm tired, I really would like a nice martini right now, just get through the night in one piece." Nope, no martini - only grape koolaid, followed by an ice cream chaser.

The irony of my life is that when I was single and had no one to focus on but myself, I would dream of the family I would have one day. Well, it's here! Yep, carpe diem. And I love them. These moments I steal away by myself give me the renewed energy to do it all over again on this day, to tackle whatever challenges the day will bring.

And the fact that on this early morning I secretly pray for a rained out soccer game today? What they don't know, won't hurt them.
♥ V :)

Happy Friday

Today is Friday! How wonderful! I dragged myself into work, like a cat on her last life. I somehow beat the clock and traffic and chug, chugged my way to my desk. By Friday, my energy level is about a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10. I have a somewhat hopeful attitude that the weekend is almost here, so that gives me a slight rush. But my feet usually feel like they are in quicksand. I am not one of these people that has a big morning ritual. My ritual is: Get up. Go to work. Do not pass go and do not collect $200. Today my makeup didn't even get done until I was at my desk at work. Grabbed my concealer and mascara from my gym bag, snuck in and applied and prayed my manager didn't walk in and see me doing it. I have this fear that my boss or his boss will call me in to their office on one of these Fridays, looking like something the cat dragged in. However, I usually take my chances.

I somehow managed to injure myself this week! I have a massive painful situation going on between my shoulder blades. Not sure if it was the 6 hours I spent organizing closets Monday, or the 8 loads of laundry I did, or the early AM workout before work Wednesday. I'm in the Biggest Loser competition at work. I HAD to lose weight or I would die of shame from my team!! This has been a tremendous motivator. I ran for 35 minutes and was a pool of sweat trying to lose weight by 10am weigh in. It worked - 1.2 down. This week I am going to attempt to not cheat on the weekend. No McDonald's cheeseburger, coke and fries. No alcohol. No candy.

Looking forward to that moment tomorrow morning when I realize that I don't have to go to work, it's the weekend and I can cuddle my baby and drink coffee. I wish I could bottle up that moment and release it whenever I wanted. It's supposed to rain this weekend. I hope it pours!! I need a relaxing break. Looking forward to crafting with Ian's girls, cuddling up for movie time as a family, and enjoying my home with my family inside, safe and sound...

♥ V :)

Chaffee's final fling

So AC is getting married. In honor of this affair, we had a little wing ding last weekend. Actually, it was NOT little; it was fabulous and glorious! Amanda has the most wonderful friends. They don't half ass anything. They go ALL OUT and it is awesome.  There were about 25 girls in my house Saturday night, with almost everyone in 50's outfits. Cat eye glasses, pill box hats, dotted dresses, scarfs and fur stolls. It is not every day you get to don this type of attire, so I decided early on I was going all out. You kind of have to own this look if you go for it.

We went to a new bar called The North Side Social in Broad Ripple. It was right up our alley. Fabulous setting for our evening. Apparently David Simon was there with his wife earlier in the night. We commenced having a high old time and living it up.

After the Social, we headed to Nippers in Carmel. Nippers is ALWAYS a good time, even though it's a hole in the wall, smoky tiny bar in Carmel. At this point, heavy intoxication had set in. Maaaaybe deciding to drink a dirty martini at one point was NOT such a good idea. Sometimes I like to pretend I can still drink these drinks like I am 26. However, I am not 26 and I don't go around drinking martinis on a regular basis. But, once I have flipped into party girl mode, it's like I never left! The party has been waiting for me this whole time! I have just been on hiatus! Then I take shots and drink more and decide I am extra fabulous!

Unfortunately my alter ego decided to talk to a boy in a bar for about an hour. Soooo, looks like Chaffee's last night was probably my last night out indefinitely as well. I am in the dog house!! I did five loads of laundry for Ian on my day off. This has to be the last of my shenanigans. Once you are Raising Kids and In a Relationship and Living Together, it is obviously not a good idea to go out and pretend you aren't doing any of these things. Because the next day always comes, and the bubble is burst, and you aren't fabulous any more.  The next day you are just an idiot that talked to a guy in a bar who you will never see again, with a massive hangover.  I have never understood alcohol's ability to temporary suspend reality.  Why is it that after about 1pm when you are intoxicated in a dark bar you have absolutely NO concept of reality?

Lesson learned. If nothing else, just so that I never have to do this much laundry EVER again.

♥ V :)

Lighter note

Well, I've gone and done it. I have a brand new, shiny pink 8 gig nano i-pod! Oh, she is beautiful! (Made possible by birthday gift cards.)  Ian loaded me up with all of his songs, so I have been shuffling this week during my runs downtown at lunch. Let me tell you, it's brought my runs to a whole new level. Between the endorphins kicking in, this amazing sunshine and warm weather, the amazing skyline of the city all around me AND my i-pod songs, my runs have been unbelievable! I think at times I might just lift off into the sky like Mary Poppins! (Ian, I'm still trying to figure out why you have Cococabana on your playlist.)

####

Ian, Audrey, Olivia and myself all went to play tennis for the first time last Sunday. I forgot the satisfaction of whacking a tennis ball really, really hard. Hitting that little green ball in the sweet spot of your racket? It doesn't get any better than that! However, I've learned I'm a little bit at a loss as to how to teach his girls how to play tennis. I picked it up when I was about 15. I only wish I had sooner - it probably would have been, no I KNOW it would have been, my favorite sport. You get to wear jewelry and a skirt, it's only you out there, and you get to hit a little ball as hard as you can. Yeah, it's pretty much the athletic equivalent of perfection for a female such as myself.

Watching a 7 year old swing and miss the ball about 5 times in a row is (sadly) pretty hilarious. At one point we asked her if she had ever seen tennis played and she did know that she was supposed to hit the ball with the webbed part of the racket, right? We have a loooong way to go, but it was still a good workout. Chasing a bucket of about 30 balls about 30 times - yeah, that's a good workout any way you look at it. :)

####

Guess who I saw downtown this week. AMBER AND GARY AND BABY LEAH from MTV's 16 and Pregnant! Yep, there I was stuck in traffic in front of Weber Grill on Illinois street, when I looked over and who did I see but the man himself, Gary, standing in all of his glory. He was looking just as large and in charge as he does on TV.  Amber looked like Amber, only...tanner. Someone needs to tell her that that bubble dress style is, um, not very flattering.  So that's my only "star" sighting for 2010 so far...last year I saw Dave Matthews, The Jonas Brothers, and Kristi Yamaguchi downtown. I have a long way to go to top 2009.

####

The countdown is on for SATC The Movie 2 AND The Hilllllllls!!!!!!!!!! Final season! I can not contain my excitement!!  In other reality related news, I am soooo team Bethany this season on Housewives of NYC. I ♥ Bethany. And I'm thinking that I am going to love Sonja, who was introduced last night. She likes looking fabulous, loves to entertain - a girl after my own heart. Very excited to see her carrying-on's in the big apple. Especially since it appears she has several man friends, if you know what I mean! ;)

####

And finally, Chaffee's bachelorette party is Saturday night! We will be out flailing around in our 50's finery. This will be a GLORIOUS affair. Stay tuned for pics and details.

Everyone have a fabulous weekend!!!

♥ V :)

My cup runneth over

At the end of a long day, I like nothing better than tucking myself into bed with a magazine or book to read. It's how I unwind after the monotonous list of chores for the day is done. Go to work. Commute home. Get Lauren down to bed. After all of those things are done, it's hard not to feel like a gerbil on a wheel. I sometimes think, that's it? That's all? Rinse, repeat and do over again tomorrow? The way I escape this feeling is by reading something, anything, to escape my every day life briefly before I have to get up and do it all over again the next day.

Oprah's 10th Anniversary issue just came out. I can make a good Oprah magazine last for a week or so. With this month's issue, every page is pretty much a literary gold mine. There's an interview with Oprah from her readers, where I read something so profound. Basically, she says that she wasn't born with two parents that love her, which made her feel that her cup was never full of love, and she has been trying to fill it ever since. She fills it with food and her show and she struggles out there in the world to fill it every day. She's envious of people that were born with their cup full from the start.

How profound is this? At the end of the day, even though Ian and I don't have a lot of extra money, I can rest very easy knowing that Lauren's cup of love is very full. Overflowing. Full to the brim. She is loved so much by us and those around her. Even Oprah, with one of the largest bank accounts in the world, still has to fight this struggle. Reminds me very much that the very best things in life are free. I often see some of my adult friends still struggling to fill their cup of love and it makes me sad. The stork dropped me off at a wonderful home. Some of my friends weren't so lucky. Their storks didn't always get it right.

As happy as it makes me feel to know that Lauren's cup of love is full, I have to say that it worries me for Ian's kids and as a stepmother. They've had a rocky road. They never lacked someone that loved them. What I"m worried about is how they perceive that love. Was it enough, in their eyes, to feel full with love? I don't want them out in this world trying to fill up their cups. Eleven is going to turn into 15 and then 20, and there are going to be lots of traps to fall in to along that road.

Being a step parent is so challenging. You can't undo the past, and you know you're going to be around for whatever is to come. I love Ian's beautiful children. And I know they love me. My cup runneth over.

♥ V :)