Realization

This morning I had an amazing realization.  I felt like the women of my past were whispering it to me. Or maybe, screaming.

Honey, if you want any time for yourself?  The only place you're going to find it is in the early am hours with the man and kids in bed.

Ha! Why have I not figured this out before! I think back to my childhood now. Yes, it's there...my mother was always getting up early! Hours before us!  Was she *gasp* trying to make time for herself?? No, it can't be!! But there it is - that realization that now you're in a new place, a new stage, and instead of only having parents, you ARE a parent. 

I just rolled over at 6:45am on this Saturday, and I did a strange thing.  I got out of bed. A little part of me died (I kid). Last night's supper dishes were waiting for me, the cat had attacked the meat loaf, and things were in general disarray. But now, the dishes are cleaning themselves in that glorious machine we call a dishwasher, the counters are wiped down, I have a candle lit smelling my house with wonderful aromas, and my coffee is brewing. It is my own little piece of personal heaven.

But first we have to go back to last night, and remember the level of chaos, to truly enjoy this moment. There was no specific chaos, just the kind of chaos with 4 kids on a Friday night. (Ok, I just typed 4, and there are only 3. Dear God, I can't keep them all straight!! Must mean I sort of count Ian as a kiddo...?) After a long work week, stopping on the way home to pick up milk for the baby (always with the milk!!) and groceries for the weekend so we don't all eat peanuts and odds and ends from the cabinets. No, some waffles and watermelon would be nice. Walk in the house - the baby needs a teething biscuit, and Ian's girls are full of stories and energy.  I can tell by Ian's face he's as wiped out as I am, and we are in Survival Mode.  That is the mode I can only describe as, "I love my kids, I feel like a bus hit me, I'm tired, I really would like a nice martini right now, just get through the night in one piece." Nope, no martini - only grape koolaid, followed by an ice cream chaser.

The irony of my life is that when I was single and had no one to focus on but myself, I would dream of the family I would have one day. Well, it's here! Yep, carpe diem. And I love them. These moments I steal away by myself give me the renewed energy to do it all over again on this day, to tackle whatever challenges the day will bring.

And the fact that on this early morning I secretly pray for a rained out soccer game today? What they don't know, won't hurt them.
♥ V :)