Baby moments

Baby Lauren is not so "baby" anymore these days. I am amazed at her recent feats.  For the last two nights, she has washed her tummy with her wash cloth! I couldn't believe it. (What I also couldn't believe is that I actually forgot she did it the first night, last night. I came downstairs and told Ian the same exact story, AGAIN. That is some scary stuff - that I couldn't remember seeing it the night before! He was like, "She did that last night? Remember?" I have been in a state of sleep walking I have been so tired this week, but this is semi-terrifying what ELSE I'm not remembering.) Sissy has also been trying to brush her hair for a couple of weeks. She grabs the brush, and bangs it into her head, in attempt to "brush" her hair!

Having a toddler is really exciting. Every day it's fun, to see what she will do next. However, lately I have been remembering all of my new-mommy moments and I've been missing when sissy was just a little baby and not so big. My "baby" love is being replaced by "Lauren" love.

Baby love is pure, animalisic need for survival. Need for milk, and arms to hold. I've never been needed by anyone that much before in my life, and I may never be again. It was so fleeting and intense and honest.  You give up a part of yourself when you bring that wiggling, squirmy, beautiful baby home from the hospital. Your old needs and wants are replaced by your baby's wants, until you are melded into almost one being. On the bad days, it is suffocating and overwhelming and terrifying. But on the good days and most days, it was all consuming pure contentment and love.

As Lauren grows, it IS exciting and wonderful. But a small part of me misses those early moments when she was a freshly hatched newborn. I never, ever thought I would say those words because you literally DREAM of your baby being more self sufficient. If I could go back to just one evening of nursing her and rubbing her head before bed time and stare into those dreamy, sleepy baby eyes, I surely would...

♥ V :)